Another Caucasian Gary

Stay Away from Stay of Play

2009-05-03T18:18:00.003-04:00

Hey, see what I did there? Eh? Yes, I saw State of Play today even though I knew I wouldn't like it because really what else was I going to see? X-Men 3? Actually, I probably should have seen that. But I do normally like Russell Crowe somewhat and had the unrealistic hope that Rachel McAdams might get naked. She didn't. This is basically standard political thriller bullshit. What made the movie especially annoying was how self-righteous it tried to be-- first about corporations making money off of Iraq and then about the integral part newspapers play in modern life and why we can't let them die, dammit. Just a thought, but it might have been better if the film had stuck to one burning issue or the other and taken out about half of the unneccessarily confusing plot twists.

Instead of seeing SoP, check out War, Inc. which was, in my opinion, the most underrated film of 2008. That movie is absolutely hilarious. Hilary Duff plays a Central Asian pop star and sing a song called "I Want to Blow You...Up." If you are looking for some good commentary on the privatization of war, watch War, Inc. instead. It's a lot funnier too. And the fifth season of The Wire is much preferable to State of Play when it comes to intelligent analysis of the death of journalism. It is the weakest season of the Wire but it beats the hell out of Ben Affleck throwing a hissy fit and Crowe's boss, who for some reason is British and basically playing the same character as Judi Dench does in James Bond.

Blog of the Week: The Vinyl District

2009-05-03T00:55:00.004-04:00

Here is a new feature for ACG. I'm going to exhibit a blog that I particularly enjoy, usually music-related. First up: The Vinyl District.

Joe Strummer was buried with a small sticker on his coffin: "VINYL RULES."

So reads The Vinyl District's opening line and it is a good one. If Joe Strummer said it, or at least had it on his grave, I believe it. Let's take a look at some highlights from the MP3s Vinyl District has given away this past week: The Specials, Peter Tosh, Wilco, Jane Birkin/Serge Gainsbourg, Dolly Parton, Wavves, The Rolling Stones, Bob Dylan, The Spinto Band, Elvis Costello. That is a great list of old school artists with a few more modern acts mixed in. TVD also does ticket giveaways (one for the Wailers this week) and gets guest articles from people like singer Sarah Borges and guys from other blogs like Any Major Dude. This is a great site for good music, both new and old, coming from people who clearly have a passion for it.

On the Cubs in 2009

2009-05-02T16:02:00.004-04:00

Just a month into the season, and already the pessimists (and really who can blame them if they're Cubs fans) among us are calling 2009 a bust. And there are clearly some reasons to worry, the lineup and bullpen need improvement for one. I thought I would offer a cautiously optimistic appraisal of the Cubs situation before anyone starts hangs a dead goat carcass on Harry Caray's statue. Oh wait. That happened already?

Reasons to Panic:
1. Lee, Soto and Bradley
These three should be the heart of a fearsome Chicago lineup, one that, if you recall, led the league in runs last season. Instead, they are hitting respectively .205, .143, and .128 with a combined 15 RBIs. For comparison, Jason Kubel has 16 by himself. You might be asking yourself, who is Jason Kubel? Exactly.
2. The Bullpen
Out of every member of the bullpen, only Angel Guzman has a WHIP under 1.50. Neal Cotts, the supposed LOOGEY, has a monstrous 2.50 WHIP to go with a 4.50 ERA and a 0-1 record. By the way, Cotts has a higher career opponent OPS by 3 points against lefties than against right handers. And he has actually thrown to more RHBs than LHBs, so don't blame the sample size. The two most important members of this bullpen have also struggled mightily. Marmol has a 5.40 ERA and a 1.70 WHIP. Gregg, who only has two saves, has a 5.91 ERA and a putrid 1.97 WHIP. Meanwhile, the Cubs decided to discard Luis Vizcaino who had given up 0 runs in 4 appearances, Chad Gaudin who has thrown five scoreless for San Diego, and Michael Wuertz who has been quite solid with a 2.13 ERA and 0.95 WHIP for the A's.
3. Harden
So far he has thrown three really good games, and two really really bad ones, in which he hasn't lasted four innings. He currently sports a 5.11 ERA and a 1.42 WHIP, both much higher than they should be for the normally dominant right hander.
4. Miles and Gathright
They suck.
5. We're the Cubs

Reasons to Calm Down
1. Soriano, Theriot, and Fukudome
Those three have been awesome so far. Theriot has even turned into a power hitter, wacking two big ones in the last two games, including a possibly season-saving grand slam. If these three continue on this pace, they will all have the best sesasons of their careers
2. The rotation has been solid
If I understand the quality start statistic correctly (?) then the rotation has a combined thirteen quality starts through 23 games.
3. Hoff-power!
Put a bat in that man's hands and watch him hit. And maybe he can even play in right field? He did pretty well there today.
4. It's only May
I recall two years ago, the Cubs had an even more lethargic start and still managed to win the division. Plus, there have been a slew of injuries to the likes of Ramirez, Soto, Bradley, Lee, and Marmol that have quite possibly effected the team's performance.

One Suggestion, Lou:
Why not drop Cotts, put Marshall in the bullpen and make Samardzijia the fifth starter? Sure, Marshall may be no more of a LOOGEY than Cotts, but if you insist on playing the matchups (despite how retarded of an idea that really is), you might as well have the pitcher who doesn't walk every other hitter. Plus, Sharky is going to be in the rotation eventually, and he seems somewhat wasted as a middle reliever. Just my two cents (or is that three?).

Grace/Wastelands Review

2009-05-02T12:14:00.006-04:00

I finally had time recently to get a couple albums I've wanted for a while. And this is one of them. I have always been a big fan of Pete Doherty, or Peter Doherty, as he now prefers. Just check out the man's Wikipedia for god's sake.

Here is a timeline summary:
1979: Born to middle class family, mother is Jewish nurse, father is Irish-Catholic officer in British army
1995: Wins poetry tour and goes on tour of Russia with support from the British Council
1996: Moves to grandmother's flat in London and gets job filling graves at Willesden Cemetery
1997: Attends University of London to study English literature but drops out after a year
1998: Moves in with Carl Barât
2002: He and Barât release debut Libertines' album, Up the Bracket
2003: Jailed for breaking into Barât's apartment, looking for drug money
Attends Wat Tham Krabok rehab facility in Thailand, where he is beaten with bamboo canes and forced to drink horrible herbal remedies that induce vomiting
Leaves after three days
2004: Releases second album The Libertines
Kicked out of band
2005: Releases Down in Albion with the Babyshambles
Meets Kate Moss and begins an on-again off-again romance, culminating in tabloid pictures of Moss doing lines of coke
2007: Models for Roberto Cavalli
2008: Exhibits artwork "Art of Albion," some of which is made with his own blood
Doherty's manager, Andy Boyd tells the Daily Mail, "The only time I can be sure he’s not doing heroin or crack is when he’s in rehab or prison or asleep."

The guy is a mess. I'm just glad he hasn't died yet because somehow he keeps making great music. In fact, I completely disagree with a recent Q Magazine article on Doherty, the gist of which was that Doherty is just using his drug addictions and Moss romance to get famous and doesn't actually make good music. I believe the exact opposite. In my opinion, Doherty is one of the most talented artists of this decade. Clearly, he has some serious problems, but that hasn't stopped him from making five albums in the last seven years, all have which have rated somewhere between good and great. The scary thing to imagine is how good he could be if he kicked his habits.

Grace/Wastelands is a fantastic album. As was mentioned in a review on Allmusic, this is the sound of Doherty maturing. The extra "r" in his name is just one element of this new look for Doherty. Instead of more raucous paeons to being a teenager, the streets of London, and drugs, this album presents a sadder, more mellow Doherty. Many of the songs here are based around simple acoustic guitar riffs and have a folk tinge to them, rather than the punk/garage sound he is known for.

The album begins with "Arcady." This is a frequent requiem for Doherty, an imaginary utopia that he longs to someday reach (which might explain some of his over-the-top drug abuse). The songs starts very upbeat, with the line "In Arcady life trips along..." but then it leads to a refrain,

So you see how twisted it becomes
See how quickly twisted it becomes
When the cat gut binds my ankles to your bedstead
That ain't love, no that ain't love

Doherty is examining his life here and seems almost apologetic. Next is one of the best songs on the album, a classic Doherty ballad called "Last of the English Roses," with a very distinct electronic/acoustic sound. You have to believe this is about Kate Moss, who Doherty has described as his one true love. The last two songs on the album are fucking great too. "New Love Grows on Trees" is a pained, emotional and yet quite beautiful song. "You said die/You said new love grows on trees..." The music and the lyrics here are both near-perfect. And Doherty sounds pretty good for a heroin addict. Then there is the slightly more upbeat, "Lady Don't Fall Backwards," which describes an encounter with perhaps the same girl from "Last of the English Roses," who he meets in "Chinatown for opium and tea." This might be the best love song Doherty has ever written. Oh my god. It's fucking good. Please don't die, Peter.

Glorious Return/Explanation

2009-05-02T12:04:00.002-04:00

Greetings minions,

It has been two weeks since my last post. Basically what happened is that I was away from a computer for a few days, got wrapped up in real life (I know, hard to believe, right) and basically felt that nobody really cared anyway. How wrong I was. My mailbox has overflowed with passionate requests for a return to this blog that can only be described as "life-altering." Well, maybe that's not really true either, but I do enjoy this site and have like a million things I hope to put up here in the next day or two. So stay tuned.

The Unicorns- "Tuff Ghost" (Who Will Cut Our Hair When We're Gone?)

Let's Find Out About! pow wow!...

2009-04-19T16:52:00.005-04:00

pow wow!
This group comes from Brooklyn. They are led by two brothers, Edward and Jeff Nazareno. The hype for this group has slowly been building around the blogosphere and they have earned comparisons to Velvet Underground and The Kinks, two of my favorite groups. The band calls itself "The lovechild of Burt Bacharach, The Smiths and Diana Ross. From the Future. In outer space." And Earfarm says they sound like "The Modern Lovers if they replaced their pre-punk edge with a dose of sunny day Belle and Sebastian ennui." For my part, I would compare the group to Dirty on Purpose without quite as much fuzzy distortion, but a bit more poppy hooks.

Middle Distance Runner
The group originally started as a Led Zeppelin cover band in DC, but according to their website they have always been the second best band in the world, only beaten by Oasis. They are also huge fans of Blur. The band describes their sound: "Middle Distance Runner is what you would be left with if you took every nu-metal, frat-rock, and emo band, put them into a poorly insulated spaceship, and then drove it into the sun" or, alternately: "Indie-pop with a dick and a brain." According to Paste Magazine, "Before every show, band members huddle up, put their hands together and yell “1-2-3 Professionalism!”" That's fucking hilarious.

Antipop Consortium
Formed in 1997 by Priest, Beans and M. Sayyid in New York City. The band is hip-hop with an IDM ("intelligent dance music") influence. They disbanded in 2002. During its heyday, the group earned comparisons to MF Doom, Kool Keith and Aesop Rock. They opened for Radiohead and toured with DJ Shadow. Sayyid said in an interview with Index Magazine that he grew up listening to Dead Kennedys, The Specials and Black Flag along with Kurtis Blow and Run-D.M.C. And Beans describes their style: "It's a mix of Suicide, Sun Ra, and Afrika Bambaataa, with lyrics by Richard Wright." He also claims he grew up as a Kiss fan before he discovered hip-hop. This is a hip-hop band that is influenced by everything from Prince to Pavement. Really!

Bonus! Download "Rinseflow" (Tragic Epilogue)

People Under the Stairs
Formed out of the late-90s LA underground hip-hop scene by Double K and Thes One, who comes from Lima, Peru. After releasing the well-received Question in the Form of an Answer in 2000, PUTS toured with De La Soul. The band is still recording, most recently releasing Fun DMC last year. For that album, the group actually recorded dialogue off the streets of South Central, LA to recreate the sound of their hometown. This is a hip-hop band that's all about having fun, which is really quite refreshing.

Gentleman Auction House
This is a seven-piece indie group from Missouri. And they are Cardinals fans. So fuck 'em. Unfortunately, I do like their music though. Crashin' In writes, "They have no tricks or frills to grab your attention, they simply just have good catchy indie pop songs that will stick in your head all day long." They definitely have a sort of Arcade Fire/Thermals sound, which is fun to listen to.

Dandelions
I learned about this band from Swan Fungus in one of the most excellent blog-articles I have seen. Really this is what the internet was made for, right? Swan Fungus gives us four downloads [EDIT: you can click MegaUpload DL to download the whole thing] off of an incredibly rare and actually excellent album by a little known band called the Dandelions. And who are the Dandelions? Two girls, ages ten and eleven named Kitsy and Tres, who recorded this folk album in 1971. And it's shockingly good stuff, much better than a lot of the folk-pop of the '60s. I'd certainly rather listen to the Dandelions than Peter Paul & Mary. The blog post also gives us the notes from the record's back cover. Here's an excerpt:

In a few weeks we were together at Kitsy’s home for the weekend and Uncle Scott and Aunt Judy were there when we started to make up some songs. Uncle Scott said, “Why don’t you two make an album since you’re so good?” We said, “O.K.!”

How wonderful is that. There's no video of their music on Youtube as far as I know, but here is something about dandelions anyway:

On Rolling Stone & Mastodon

2009-04-15T15:00:00.005-04:00

I was a subscriber of Rolling Stone magazine for five years, but this year when it came time to renew the subscription I just couldn't face another year of cover stories on the Jonas Brothers and Zac Effron or whatever shit goes on there these days. Seriously, Rolling Stone has sold its soul to the devil, and not in a cool way like Robert Johnson or Mick Jagger. No, a music magazine that used to have the Fucking Beatles or the Rolling Stones or Jimi Hendrix on their covers now panders to the preteen Disney crowd. It is sickening.

Here is the May 15, '08 edition for example. On the cover are the girls of the Hills. Sure, they are dressed in skimpy outfits and are "hot" I guess, but they are also braindead stars of a reality show with no talent whatsoever. Rolling Stone, music still exists. Would it kill you to put My Morning Jacket or Vampire Weekend or MGMT on the cover? Or really anything that does actually count as music?!

So that's why I was quite pleasantly surprised to see the newest Rolling Stone. I had an hour to kill so I took it off the shelf and there was Lil' Wayne, an actual artist, who is a hell of a lot more interesting than U2. And that wasn't the only good article in there. There is a three-page spread on Mastodon, a band that I have heard a lot about over the last few years. They are the best metal group in the world, one of the few groups from that genre that also gets its share of critical acclaim. I'm not much of a metal fan, though, so I had never checked out their music or really read too much about them. And the article really made me fascinated with the group. It was one of the few times that I have started reading an article about a band I had no interest in up to that point and could not pull myself away. And the reason for that is that Mastodon is an incredibly interesting group, one of the few real fucking rock & roll bands left. And this is presented brilliantly by Brian Hiatt. Here is how he opens the article: "Brent Hinds, frontman and lead guitarist for Mastodon, has reached the inevitable point in the evening when his speech starts to slur." After reading that sentence, there was no way I wasn't going to read the whole article. That article was what Rolling Stone should be all about, presenting genuinely exciting bands to a larger audience. For that, I am glad I picked up the newest edition. Still, I think I'll check in next time to see if Miley Cyrus is on the cover before I resubscribe.

Random Musings (4/11/09)

2009-04-11T18:04:00.004-04:00

1. For those of you who don't believe that New Haven is rough, I had the following experience two days ago. At an intersection about five minutes from where I lived, a cop car whizzed up right next to me, the cop jumped out of the car and immediately began running after a 14 year old kid. This moment reminded me so much of The Wire, specifically the episode in which Herc and Carv tackle the kid with the eye-patch carrying the re-up. Elm City represent!
The image up top comes from the Coliseum's implosion.

2. The Cubs had a so-so week. Here is my revised Gold Star and Shit List:

Gold Stars:
Mike "Little Lord" Fontenot: I was sad to see DeRosa go, but so far the Fonter is actually out-performing him, hitting .385 with a homer and four RBIs.
Kosuke Fukudome: It's been shocking, but since his dreadful Opening Day, Fuku has been one of the Cubs best hitters. Maybe I can start wearing my Fukudome t-shirt in public again.
Rich Harden: After a really bad spring in which his velocity was only hitting the high-80s, Harden looked as good as ever on Friday, allowing only one earned run over six innings while striking out ten. He was also throwing 96, which may be the best news of all. Keep in mind, the guy is the Cubs' fourth starter. Jesus, imagine this rotation with Peavy!
Angel Guzman: So far, Guzman has looked like the best Cubs' reliever besides Marmol. He has struck out three over two shutout innings in relief. It would be nice if Guzman finally lived up to expectations. He's 27 now, only one year younger than Big Z.

Shit List:
Derrek Lee: He needs to start hitting or he needs to be dropped down in the lineup. The third hitter can't hit .154.
Ted Lilly: After calling his first start "the most important start of the year," Lilly gave up four homers in five innings. He got the win, but did not come close to deserving it.
Kevin Gregg: He gave up zero runs all spring. But Spring Training doesn't count, and so far in the real season, he has a WHIP of 3.00 and has been part of both Cubs' losses (allowing the winning runners to score in both games two and four).
Lou Piniella: He's made a couple fairly questionable moves so far. In game two, he put in Gregg in a tie game with two runners on. Isn't that a job for Marmol? Then yesterday, he pinch-hit Miles instead of Hoffpauir in a big spot. Miles hit into an inning-ending double play.

Overall, I'm fairly pleased with the Cubs' season so far. The two players I was most worried about heading into the season, Fukudome and Harden, have had great starts. Bradley broke out of his hitless streak with a home run yesterday. The rotation looks solid. The biggest question marks so far are the bullpen and Soto, who hopefully will be back in the lineup today. Winning these next two against the Brewers would be nice.

3. The NHL and NBA playoffs start soon
The Bulls are set for a matchup with the Celtics. They'll be lucky to win a game. At least I'll get to watch Derrick Rose on TV. The Blackhawks have a much better chance of making round two in a probable matchup with the Calgary Flames. Chicago swept the season series 4-0 over Calgary this year. I am really looking forward to this next week. With playoff basketball, playoff hockey and regular season baseball, I will have plenty of opportunity to kick back and cheer for Chi-City.

4. Almost Famous is a great great great movie.
I don't think I'll ever get tired of hearing "I am a golden god!"

Music for the Springtime (or for Smoking Bitches)

2009-04-11T17:20:00.004-04:00

It might not feel like spring yet in the Northeast but I'm looking forward to two months of throwing the disc, and relaxing in the sun. So here is a little taste of what we can all look forward to. (Note: These songs may or may not have anything to do with spring)

RZA ft. Big Daddy Kane & GZA: "Cameo Afro" (Afro Samurai Soundtrack)
Big Daddy Kane still has it as he proved on this track, released three years ago.
DOWNLOAD

Guided by Voices: "Always Crush Me" (Alien Lanes)
"Always crush me/Picture my amazement when it doesn't always pain me/And I will reproduce faster." Uh, OK then.
DOWNLOAD

Arcade Fire: "Intervention" (Neon Bible)
This was the last great rock album. I'm still waiting for a new one to claim that title.
DOWNLOAD

Interpol: "Next Exit" (Antics)
Maybe it's the fact that I got this album before their first one, but this has always been my favorite Interpol record.
DOWNLOAD

Menomena: "Twenty Cell Revolt" (I Am the Fun Blame Monster!)
This is a cool group. They write all their songs using a computer program called Deeler. But it's not really electronic music at all (they use chimes and a trumpet on this song). Additionally, their album title is an anagram for "Menomena's first album!"
DOWNLOAD

Django Reinhardt: "Swing 42" (Intégrale Django Reinhardt, Vol. 16: "Festival 48")
Django has always been one of my heros, a gypsy who was the greatest guitarist in the world despite deforming his left hand in a freak fire accident. Here he is performing near the end of his career, along with the Quartette du Hot Club de France along and his frequent collaborator, Stéphane Grappelli. I was lucky enough to see a fantastic tribute to Grappelli by Florin Niculesco at the Sunset-Sunside Club in Paris last year.
DOWNLOAD

Just 161 to Go

2009-04-06T22:10:00.006-04:00

Cubs win! Cubs win! It was a good Opening Day for the Cubs tonight and for Big Z in particular who threw 6+ innings of one run ball. He struggled early, but dominated in the later innings. Maybe after five years he's finally got the hang of Opening Day.

Gold Stars (These guys made me proud)
Alfonso Soriano: He led off the game with a home run and ended up 2-5 on the day. And he didn't drop any balls in the outfield. But can you do it in the playoffs, Sori?
Mike "Little Lord" Fontenot: He went 3-4 with two runs as the opening day second baseman. Plus, he made some mighty nice plays in the field and a pretty intense slide into home, missing a tag from Pudge.
Micah Hoffpauir: This guy can rake. He got a ribbie in his one pinch hit. He really should play everyday somewhere, but as long as we're using him off the bench, he makes from a pretty damn good pinch hitter.
Carlos "Big Z" Zambrano: Could this be the year Z finally matures? He looked pretty composed out there, never getting too frustrated with calls or with Lou when he got the boot. If he can get his head straight, I am convinced, he could be a Cy Young.

Shit List (Self-Explanatory)
Kosuke Fukudome: Fuku looked pretty much the same as he did for most of last year. He hit a couple weak ground balls, a pop up, and struck out looking. I love the guy, but either he has to start hitting or he's an enormously expensive bench player.
Derrek Lee: Lee also went 0-4. One of those outs was a long one, but Lee was very quiet tonight. He's clearly no longer the offensive juggernaut he was three years ago. Another .300/20 HR season would be nice though.
Milton Bradley: So far no explosions, but he went 0-3 and made a horrific error in the field (he had a ball bounce out of his glove in the ninth inning) even if it wasn't ruled an error. He also rolled over his ankle, but didn't seem to be bothered by that. If he had really gotten injured on the first day, that would almost not surprise me as a Cubs fan.

Meet 25th Man: David Patton

2009-04-05T19:19:00.004-04:00

Today, the Cubs made their final roster adjustments. They released Chad Gaudin, sent Jeff Samardjiza to AAA, and kept Angel Guzman and David Patton. Patton is probably the one guy on the team that I know the least about. He was a Rule-5 pickup for the Cubs, who got him from the Rockies. He is a 24-year-old who has never pitched past high A. Last year, he put up a solid 10.6 K/9. His WHIP at 1.39 was a little higher than desired however. This spring, Patton was pretty phenomenal, lighting up Mesa with a 1.26 ERA over 14.1 innings. According to a Scouting Report (which, admittedly does not come from a professional), Patton routinely hits the mid-to-upper 90s with his fastball, as well as throwing a Ben Sheets-esque curveball.

The season starts tomorrow. I am psyched as hell.

Let's Find Out About! One-Eyed Doll...

2009-04-04T16:43:00.007-04:00

In my running gag here, I introduce you to bands/artists that I have just recently learned about (maybe you know them already, but they're new to me). And I give you a video to wet your appetite.

One-Eyed Doll
Just Press Play calls One-Eyed Doll (she's a singer/guitarist (real name Kimberly Freeman), not a band) "dirty, corrupt, and dangerously sweet." She dresses up in scary makeup, wacky outfits, and is that a Statue of Liberty hat? Her song "Be My Friend" features a refrain, "Serial killer are people too/If you take away their voices, I'm just like you/I'll hack you up and bury you in my yard/But why does making friends have to be so very hard?" All this comes from a sweet-voiced girl. Thank God there's One-Eyed Doll, now that Be Your Own Pet has broken up. I need a teenage girl serial killer in my life.

Crocodiles
The band comes from San Diego. They first came to the attention of the music world with their single "Neon Jesus," released last year. Now they have an excellent full-length called Summer of Hate coming up at the end of this month, which has given them a bit of exposure among the blog world (they've been called a Band to Watch by Stereogum and Stark Magazine). Maybe they are yet another group that sounds like Jesus and Mary Chain and Velvet Underground, but frankly, there's a reason so many bands mimic that sound and the Crocodiles do a fantastic job of it.

Voxtrot
They are an indie group formed in 2002 by Ramesh Srivastata in Austin, Texas (which we know is home to the weird). The group has gotten a fair amount of attention from the internet (Pitchfork, in particular, loved their first two EPs and then panned their debut LP but what do you expect?). They still need to record a follow-up to their debut. They definitely have the talent to break through to the mainstream (at least the indie mainstream).

Orchestral Manoeuvers in the Dark
This synth-pop group was formed back in the late-70s in Liverpool, so they were really playing with synths before that became a big (annoying) thing. They were originally part of the same scene that produced Echo & the Bunnymen and Frankie Goes to Hollywood. They are one of the few groups to actually have more success in the US than in the UK (they hit number four in the States with "If You Leave" off the Pretty in Pink soundtrack), although they had perhaps the most success of all in Germany, where their single "Maiden of Orleans" was enormously successful. The original band broke up in 1996 and then re-formed three years ago. Their 1984 single "Tesla Girls" is (I'm guessing here) the inspiration for Tesla Boy, whom I profiled last week. But despite all their success, I think it's fair to say that they have been frequently overlooked when discussing the most popular/best/most influential bands of the '80s. I, for one, did not know anything about them before writing this article.

The Love Language
This indie group comes from Raleigh, North Carolina. Much like previously profiled The City and Horses, The Love Language was created out of a rather painful breakup between singer/songwriter Stuart McLamb and his then-girlfriend. How painful exactly? McLamb told Spin,

When I came to, I was in a friend's apartment in handcuffs with my ankles bound, not knowing how I got there.

The group was originally just McLamb, but now contains seven members. Love Language was recently profiled on NPR, giving them exposure among suburban housewives everywhere. They also received a nice-sized article in a recent issue of Spin, who named them a "Hot New Band." The future looks bright for McLamb, who has a musical philosophy that I like a lot:

"I'm a real lo-fi junkie," he says. "I like the [Band's] Big Pink philosophy -- you should have a dog on the floor of a basement while you're recording. That's where the best stuff happens."

Hum
Let's let Allmusic introduce the band:

Endless feedback, a heavenly drone, and an obsession with science and outer space: these three elements perhaps most define the beautiful style that has become the trademark of the unmatchable Hum.

Groups with space fascinations (Sun Ra Arkestra, Dr. Octagon) are always great. Hum was formed in 1989 in my home state of Illinois. In their prime they toured with the Jesus Lizard, Liz Phair and the Smashing Pumpkins. They recorded their first demo in the basement of legendary producer Steve Albini. Hum had some success with the single "Stars" off their major label debut, You'd Prefer an Astronaut in 1995. They even appeared on Beavis and Butthead, as well as on Howard Stern's show. They broke up in 2000, but have recently played a handful of reunion shows in the Chicago area.

Rumspringa
Rumspirnga means "adolescence" in Amish. I never knew that Amish had its own language, but apparently it does. The group comes from the LA-area. They describe their influences as being a mixture of Skip James, Creedence and Chicha:psychedelic Peruvian music that came around the 60s and also the local alcoholic beverage derived from corn which the Peruvians drank.
Read that whole interview because it's pretty hilarious. And check out the video below, suppposedly directed by Shia Labeouf (do you really expect me to believe Shia Labeouf has the balls to do this? If it's true, I guess I just gained a dose of respect for the man)

Bellman Barker
Bellman Barker comes from the DC area. Their singer has a mustache, which is always a plus. And their name comes from "a book about circuses." Here are their commendable plans for the future:

Recording a full-length, tour, get filthy rich and famous, see our faces all over PerezHilton, drug addiction, rehab, jail stints, flashing our genitals to the paparazzi while getting in our cars, etc.

They look like a fun group and I look forward to that debut full-length.

As for the picture up top, that's from Blue Velvet, my favorite David Lynch film. I was looking for the picture in which Isabella Rossellini is straight-up naked, but couldn't find it. That scene ranks with the one in The Shining with the girl in the bathtub as Most Terrifying/Gross Scene with a Beautiful Naked Lady.

Jay Cutler to Bears

2009-04-02T22:10:00.003-04:00

Woo hoo! Forget that the Bears gave up two first round picks. Forget that their two best receivers are an ex-kick returner and an ex-Arena Leaguer. For once in my lifetime (and the lifetimes of any Bears fan younger than sixty), the Bears have a real quarterback. Sure, he may be a bit of a drama queen, but he sure as hell beats Orton, Grossman, and whatever other street-people/village idiots have passed as Bears quarterbacks over the years (I'm looking at you, Cade McNown). I don't know what the result is going to be, but I know that at least my Chicago sports teams have finally made some much needed changes this year. The Cubs got the bat they needed for the playoffs (Bradley, so long as he doesn't get in another brawl with an umpire), the Bulls got the best player they've had since Jordan (Rose, so long as he isn't ruined by Del Negro), the Blackhawks did something (I really have no idea what, but they are good this year) and the Bears got a real quarterback.
(Sun-Times)

Temptation

2009-03-30T23:36:00.003-04:00

Here are two treasures for you:

The Jesus and Mary Chain: "Just like Honey" (Psychocandy)
This girl in this song is a bee tempting you with her honey. The punchline is only hinted at: she'll sting you in the end.

Sebadoh: "Black-Haired Girl" (Sebadoh III)
Similarly, this song asks a girl, "what kind of trouble [have] I got myself in?" But instead of getting caught by honey, he's tempted by the slightly more literal perfume.

DOWNLOAD: "Just Like Honey"; "Black-Haired Girl"

Let's Find Out About! Tesla Boy...

2009-03-26T17:37:00.004-04:00

In my running gag here, I introduce you to bands/artists that I have just recently learned about (maybe you know them already, but they're new to me). And I give you a video to wet your appetite.

Tesla Boy
They don't have an entry yet on Allmusic or even Wikipedia, but Tesla Boy have made a big impression lately on the music blogs. They are an electronic group and, for once, one I can stomach. It's hard to not enjoy their synthy, cheesy, 80s-esque pop with titles like "Electric Lady" and "Spirit of the Night." The group comes from Moscow and Prefixmag calls them possibly "the biggest thing to come out of Russia since t.A.T.u." I guess that's a good thing.

The Rentals
I know I should probably have heard of The Rentals before. But the truth is I hadn't. They were formed 15 years ago by Weezer bassist Matt Sharp, along with drummer Pat Wilson. Maya Rudolph from SNL also played keyboards briefly for the group. Weezer used to rehearse in Sharp's garage (hence "In The Garage")

Le Futur Pompiste
OK, here's a band you definitely haven't heard of. Le Futur Pompiste come from Finland. According to Last.fm:

LE FUTUR POMPISTE is a collective of five friends making pop music. The group members all share the hometown Vaasa, although they are living in Helsinki, Stockholm and Turku at this moment.

Their debut was released back in 2004, but apparently they have a new album which should be out later this year. You have to check out the video below. They look very groovy.

Hockey
Hockey come from Portland, Oregon. They were signed to Epic right out of high school, worked with Jerry Harrison, and moved to Capitol before getting dropped. According to bassist Jeremy Reynolds, "we just didn’t have the songs, or the wherewithal to put the whole thing together." The band started as just Reynolds and singer Benjamin Grubin, but since then, the band has wisely added a guitarist and drummer. Now they're signed to another major label, EMI. They usually get compared to a fusion of LCD Soundsystem, The Killers and The Strokes, but the band lists their influences as Talking Heads, David Bowie and Bob Dylan.

Gladshot
Pop Matters says of the group's self-titled debut, which came out in 2000, "it’s as if someone found the great lost Buckingham/Nicks track and turned it loose" and calls the band "one of the nicest surprises I’ve had all year." That was in 2000 and since then Gladshot has released two more albums on their own Frankly Mills label. That PopMatters review was no hyperbole. They make extremely high quality music and yet, have received little to no attention. This is an injustice, which I hope to remedy even in this small way. Well, I guess they have gotten a little attention. Their song "Feel You" appeared on an episode of Higher Ground, in which Hayden Christiansen tells his father that he's sleeping with his step-mother. I may have never heard of Higher Ground and I hate Hayden Christiansen, but neverthelesss, congrats! Group member Debbie Andrews was once a Broadway actress who played Crissy in Hair at the age 16 and sang "Frank Mills," for which their label is named. Apparently, Meatloaf, who was also in the musical, was the first man Andrews saw naked. That's just unfortunate.

Mother Mother
Allmusic calls their sound "smart and amiable folk-rock with an alternative edge, biting wit, and a jazzy sense of sophistication." They don't just hand out praise like that. Mother Mother are Canadians from Vancouver. They were formed by brother and sister Ryan and Molly Guldemond. They did their debut album with the same producer as fellow Canadians the New Pornographers and Tegan and Sara. Ryan Guldemond seemed hesitant to list influences, but eventually settled on The Beatles, Pixies and Radiohead. Their video (below) is really fucking cool.

The Gay Blades
They come from Jersey City. This is how band member Clark Westfield describes the group:

Two men fast and furiously winding through the cosmos, swallowing up as much blazing speed as possible. We play music fast. We play loud and we try to have as good of a time doing it. We try to make sure everyone does it well. We listen to great music and we try to emulate such great artists by producing music of the highest caliber from our small little brains. We don't take too much care in how we dress or how we look, we just happen to look great all the time. It's not our fault that we were born this way. We're a two piece rock-n-roll band, ultimately.

The name comes from both a Lou Reed song, "Vicious" and a real gang from Harlem. He describes his music as trash pop, saying,

So, pop music is music that is structured and melodic. Attention to detail as far as lyrics and staying on point, on topic. Trash is just noisy and grimy and fast and fun. So you just put those two together. We like messy, you know. We like sloppy.

He and Puppy Mills, with whom he formed the group, met as both worked at a "flea market/flea circus." For the video, start watching at :30.

The Divine Comedy
The Divine Comedy was formed in Londonberry, Ireland by Neil Hannon. They soon were opening for My Bloody Valentine. In 1993, the original band broke up, but Hannon continued on as a solo act under the same name. His music has referenced F. Scott Fitzgerald, Wordsworth, and Chekov. They once collaborated with Tom Jones. This is how he replied to criticism that his song "National Express" was pretentious:

Well, I mean, pretention; the very word. Surely that's exactly what everybody in this industry does, pretend to be something or other. A lot of people go 'keep it real', but what exactly are they keeping real? You're basically keeping some mythical '60s rock attitude real, which is fake anyway. So I pretend to be clever!

And this was what he said about the internet in 1999:

I haven't quite worked out what you're supposed to do with the web," - that hiccup again - it seems to appear whenever says a word or phrase seriously that he finds ridiculous, "or what you're meant to be looking for. The idea seems great, but I sit there going, 'hmm, what should I do?' So I looked up philosophy and it gave me a nice little potted history, and that was nice. But there was no contemporary philosophy, nobody talking about stuff - I couldn't find anything. And I don't want to join a Beverley Hills 90210 channel..."

Wonder what he thinks now.

Josh Ritter
Ritter comes from Moscow, Idaho, which makes him the second artist on this list from Moscow technically. He is known for doing the ending credits for Six Feet Under. His single "Me & Jiggs" hit the Irish Top 40. Check out this long interview he did with Triste. He says his main influences are Bob Dylan and Johnny Cash, both of whom he didn't listen to until he was 18. He taught himself to play a guitar he bought at K Mart soon after. He originally majored in Neuroscience at Oberlin, but changed his major to American History through Narrative Folk Music.

NL Central News: 3/26

2009-03-26T15:56:00.003-04:00

Miguel Tejada today was sentenced to a year of probation for lying to Congress about using steroids. Basically this just means he has to do 100 hours of community service and pay a $5000 fine. Did Tejada get off easy? Kind of. Lying to Congress is about as intelligent as leaving your drivers licence at the scene of a robbery. He could have received up to six months in prison. Remember, much like for Martha Stewart, it was the lying part, not the steroids that did him in. So, are the Astros regretting the Tejada trade yet? To review, they sent Matt Albers, Luke Scott, Dennis Sarfate, Troy Patton and Mike Costanzo to the Orioles in 2007 in exchange for Tejada. Tejada was paid nearly $15 Million last season. None of the players sent to the Orioles made more than half a million last year. Literally a day after the deal was completed, Tejada was listed as a steroid user in the Mitchell Report. Plus, his numbers have dropped each year since 2004 when he posted an OPS+ of 131. Last year he managed only a mediocre 92. Scott, who is four years younger than Tejada (though he was thought to be only two years younger when the deal was made) beat that number by over 15 points last season. And he was paid $14 Million less. If I were an Astros fan, I would literally be losing my mind at this point. As a Cubs fan, I can sit back and appreciate that a rival made a stupid decision (instead of the Cubs for once).

In related news, the Real Age Test that's been annoyingy popping up at me on the Internet is a scam which sends email addresses to pharmaceutical companies, which then bombard you with spam based on your answers to a health survey. Unsurprisingly, this is Oprah's fault.

Links of Note

2009-03-25T14:09:00.004-04:00

60-foot penis painted on roof
Ummm...Because why not? The whole thing is so classic. Here is the quote:

An 18-year-old has secretly painted a 60ft drawing of a phallus on the roof of his parents' £1million mansion in Berkshire. It was there for a year before his parents found out. They say he'll have to scrub it off when he gets back from travelling.

(props to Cajun Boy in the City)

Via Deadspin: Wife of Jose Tabata Suspected of Baby-Snatching
I mentioned Tabata, one of the Pirates' top hitting prospects in my NL Central Preview. This story is just shockingly strange. Tabata's wife, who by the way is more than twice his age, is accused of kidnapping a baby from a clinic in Plant City, Florida. And Tabata seems to be throwing his wife under the bus.

Jose Tabata addressed the matter in a statement released by the team. "I was shocked to be told today that my wife has been arrested for kidnapping. I am hurt, frustrated, and confused by her actions," Tabata said. "I have and will continue to cooperate with law enforcement officials in anyway that I can. Until I have all of the facts, I cannot comment any further."

PS. I should have put in my Tabata scouting report that he is known as

Mini-Manny "for having quick hands and great bat speed, but also for his bad attitude."

Preach Reverend Preach!

2009-03-23T19:20:00.004-04:00

It's been a while since I made a playlist here. So here's a mini for you:

Rev. Gary Davis: "Cincinnati Flow Rag" (Blues & Ragtime)
The Reverend was one of the greatest ragtime blues guitarists of all time, a compatriot of Blind Lemon Jefferson and Blind Willie Johnson. He was also blind, but I guess was one of the few bluesmen to not make that part of his name. He made a few recordings in the thirties before becoming an ordained minister (hence the Rev.). He quit playing blues and began preaching in the streets of Harlem. Like many of the great blues players, he faded into obscurity until the mid-'60s when the folkies decided to find him and convince him to play like he used to. Davis complied and layed down some great songs like this one. I recommend checking out the whole album. Amusingly, a lot of it is pretty raunchy. Not sure if he was still preaching during this period.
DOWNLOAD

Fugazi: "Suggestion" (13 Songs)
This is the rant of the angry non-conformist. Why can't I walk down the street free of suggestion? Indeed.
DOWNLOAD

Apples in Stereo: "Radiation" (New Magnetic Wonder)
Songs about friendship are always the best. I love Elephant Six. It's like a little treasure box of a record company/collective/what not.
DOWNLOAD

My Bloody Valentine: "Blown a Wish" (Loveless)
Has a more beautiful song ever been recorded?
DOWNLOAD

Of Montreal: "Problem with April" (Horse & Elephant Eatery (No Elephants Allowed): The Singles and Songles Album)
Another Elephant Six group delivers a sweet little pop ditty.
DOWNLOAD

Jean Leloup: "I Lost My Baby" (Le Dôme)
This is fantastic pop song. The chorus is in English, the rest is French.
DOWNLOAD

Screwed by Wake Forest

2009-03-21T17:10:00.003-04:00

Why oh why did I pick Wake Forest to make the Final Four? This was the question I thought to myself as the CBS ticker announced their embarassing defeat to Cleveland State of all teams. On the positive side, I picked both Siena and Wisconsin, who won in genuinely exciting games over Ohio State and FSU respectively (both games went into overtime). Those games reminded me of the true meaning of March Madness-- rooting for scrappy underdogs to stick it to boring state schools. But still, Wake Forest, eat a dick.

Weekend Notes

2009-03-14T21:37:00.003-04:00

1. I went to the Yale Whale (above) last night and saw this exciting matchup between tenth ranked Yale and Brown. Brown was up 2-0 before Yale dominated the rest of the match, scoring four unanswered goals. I spent most of the game heckling Ryan Garbutt. I'm sure he must be used to it by now. Anyway, college hockey is way more exciting than you might expect. And I am going to make a concerted effort to watch hockey in the future (this may or may not have been the first time I have ever watched a hockey game all the way through).

2. I saw Gomorra today. And so far, it leads my list of best films of 2009. I've only seen this and The Watchmen, though, so there may well be some others that have escaped my attention. The film gained interest here in the States for two reasons. One, the author of the book that it's based on, was forced to have a police escort protect him at all times due to death threats, and two, it was produced by Martin Scorsese. This film is bleak and truly uncompromising. It is completely without stylistic frills: no voiceovers, no dream sequences, no flashbacks. It simply tells the story of the Camorra, the most powerful criminal organization in Italy. The movie is filled with violence, not the kind of cartoonish violence in The Watchmen, but real violence, which isn't much fun to watch. The life that is shown in Gomorra is very simple: kill or be killed, either you're "with us" or you're an enemy. There is no central protagonist of the film. But the most sympathetic characters are the kids, two teenagers pretending to be Scarface. Their story is tragic and it demonstrates the unending cycle of corruption and violence that (parts of) Italy has endured. Crime is not glamorous in the movie, but neither are the criminals villified. It is all part of a corrupt system, very much like in my all-time favorite TV series The Wire. The difference is that in The Wire, there are periods of optimism, as well as a sense of humor that allows for breaks from the tragedy. Nothing like that exists in Gomorra, so, while I appreciated the film, I doubt I would want to see it more than once. It is an exhausting experience.

3. I'm taking a break from blogging for about a week. So I'll leave you with this:
Nas & DJ Green Lantern: "Seen It All" (The Nigger Tape)
DOWNLOAD

Film Friday

2009-03-13T16:40:00.005-04:00

I've spent the past week catching up on some movie-watching. Here is a recommendation, whatever the opposite of a recommendation is, and a couple other things:

The Passenger (Professione: Reporter)
This film was made in 1975 and stars someone named Jack Nicholson. It was directed by the late, great Michelangelo Antonioni. The film begins in Africa with Jack Nicholson as a frustrated reporter who finds his businessman acquaintance dead in the hotel room next to his. Nicholson decides to take on the identity of this businessman, who is, in fact, a weapons smuggler. Therein lies the premise of the film: What is identity? Can you really change who you are? And if so, can I be Jack Nicholson? He was one bad motherfucker if there ever was one. The movie also features the alluring Maria Schneider as a Mystery Girl that Nicholson meets observing architecture in Barcelona. This movie is all about long shots of beautiful places like the African desert and the Spanish coast. Think of the opening of The Good, The Bad and The Ugly. The movie is not chock full of dialogue or action, so if that kind of thing might make you restless, you should probably look elsewhere. However, the cinematography is incredible. So is the acting by Nicholson and Schneider. If you appreciate the beauty of exotic landscapes and a philosophical experience, you might want to check out this movie, which I might venture to call under-appreciated.

The Watchmen
This movie sucks. Plain and simple. Maybe I don't get it because I didn't read the graphic novel, but really this is just an "adult" version of The Incredibles, right? A lot of the nudity/violence seemed really over the top to me. I'm not one to object to some gore (hell, I'm a big Tarantino fan), but what was the point really of all the excessive blood and guts in every other scene? Not to mention the ridiculous blue penis, which I truly did not need to see. And this movie is not ironic. It is supposed to be serious. But I found myself snickering through the love scenes, the observations of human character held on Mars, and the over-serious Cold War/nuclear holocaust apocalyptic bullshit.

Audrey Tautou
How can you watch Amélie and not fall in love with her? That is all.

Joaquin Phoenix
He's back at his crazy routine. This time he attacked a heckler at a concert. At least he did sound somewhat coherent this time. The video is no longer up unfortunately, but this is the quote:

We have a fucking asshole in the audience... I've got a million dollars in the bank. What have you got, bitch?

Let's Find Out About! The Duke Spirit...

2009-03-10T14:57:00.005-04:00

Here is the second installment in my series Let's Find Out About! in which I research bands/artists that I am not familiar with and tell you why you should be a fan of said band/artist. And I post a video to go with each entry.

The Duke Spirit
The Duke Spirit come from London. They were formed at art school, as any proper band is. They are notable for having a female singer in an otherwise male group, somewhat like Blondie. Their singer, Liela Moss, also happens to be blond. However, I can't find anything too interesting about the group, besides the fact that they like The Pixies and Nick Cave. However, that's not necessarily a bad thing. And I think they make pretty good music.

The City and Horses
It is quite difficult to find much of anything about this Brooklyn-based group. In fact, according to their Myspace page they are still looking for new band members:

Anyone else interested in playing? Please? We need people who do these things: keyboard, guitar, trumpet, washboard, penny whistle, bongo drum, spoon, glockenspiel, chord organ, xylophone, microphone, telephone????

Because what band couldn't use a good spoon player? I first found out about the group from Hypeful, which describes the band as having

the kind of innocent and offbeat charm that would fit nicely into a Wes Anderson soundtrack.

And I do love Wes Anderson, especially his soundtracks. This is how the band describes themselves:

The City and Horses play catchy indie pop, literate lo-fi folk, earnest country ballads, electro-sex dance, grunge rock and Mo-Town fop. The members of the band are adorable, and at three inches tall they fit right in your pocket. Attend a show and take one home for yourself!

And, according to Another Form of Relief, the band was formed after singer Marc Cantone's girlfriend dumped him for a "Turkish chef." This intrigues me. Finally, their music is featured in a promo for Jessica Simpson's Collection, which is a perfume or something (see below).

Keri Hilson
Hilson isn't just a new pretty face in the R&B world (but she is pretty). She has been around for a while as a songwriter (for Usher, Ludacris, Ciara, Mary J. Blige, Britney Spears, The Pussycat Dolls, etc.). And she went to Emory, so she must be pretty damn smart as well. She was signed to Interscope by Timbaland, who is usually a good judge of talent. And, I'm kind of lying when I say I never heard of her because she was featured on a Nas track from his last album, "Hero" (video below). Hell, if Nas likes the girl, I like her too. Finally, she plays ball with R. Kelly, which sounds, if anything, funnier, than the Chappelle's Show skit of Charlie Murphy facing off against Prince.

Bill Callahan
Callahan used to go by the name Smog, and under that pseudonym, he's been around for over 20 years and is apparently well-known as an important figure in the lo-fi movement (though I never heard of Smog either). His song "Cold Blooded Old Times" was on the High Fidelity soundtrack. And his song "Held" was in that Cadillac commercial which had Bob Dylan in it a couple years back. He has also been covered by Cat Power and The Flaming Lips, who are both personal favorites of mine. There is another Bill Callahan who is the newly minted Jets assistant head coach, but as far as I know, they are not the same person.

Dead Confederate
Dead Confedare are a Southern rock group from Georgia. Except they say "We are totally not a southern rock band." But they are because they're from the South and they play rock music. I also know this: They were influenced by Nirvana, Pink Floyd and Neil Young and they like to drink. Seem to be pretty good guys and definitely talented as well (see video below (go to 1:16 to see the badass stache on the keyboard player)).

Blitzen Trapper
I know, I should know these guys by now. But I actually just got into their music quite recently. Blitzen Trapper come from Portland, Oregon. Band member Eric Earley was the son of a bluegrass musician who taught him how to play the banjo at age six. The band describes their style as "American music," which really could mean just about anything.

So check out all these guys. And I highly recommend The Conformist. It's a film by the great Bernardo Bertolucci about Fascist Italy. That's where the picture at the top comes from.

Singer of the Day

2009-03-08T16:43:00.004-04:00

Martha Wainwright is not the most well-known of the Wainwrights (the others are her brother Rufus, her father Loudon and her mother Kate McGarrigle). But she's my favorite. She was raised in Montreal and has appeared on albums with her other family members. Her own style is quite folky, but also has rock, country and cabaret influences. And she has a great voice. It's like listening to an angel.

Here are three of my favorite Martha Wainwright songs:

"Lolita" is from her debut EP, Martha Wainwright (Six Songs), which came out in 1999. "Mama's not home. We're alone. Let's play house." This is one seductive-ass song.

"Factory" is from her 2002 EP Factory. This is her folk-side. It is a jangly, slow-building tribute to the "poor souls" of the world.

"G.P.T." off of her first album, 2005's Martha Wainwright. It is a beautiful song. And a great example of her child-like voice. Just vintage romantic, dramatic Martha Wainwright.

I sincerely recommend you check out her whole catalog, as I have yet to her a song by her that I didn't like.

DOWNLOAD:
"Lolita"
"G.P.T."
"Factory"

The Ultimate Movie Cast

2009-03-06T20:16:00.003-05:00

I was thinking yesterday after watching Boogie Nights, which features one of the best casts in any movie (Mark Wahlberg, Burt Reynolds, Heather Graham, Julianne, Moore, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Don Cheadle, John C. Reilly...), about what my ideal cast would be if I were to create my own movie. In this hypothetical situation, no actor would be unavailable and, of course, they would all be eager as hell to work on my hypothetical film.

Benicio del Toro as the Mysterious Outlaw
There is something very dark and appealing about Del Toro. He gives an overpowering performance in 21 Grams as an ex-con Born Again Christian. I'm going to need fire like that for my movie.

Philip Seymour Hoffman as the Loser
I don't think he has ever appeared in a bad movie. There is something about him that makes him perfect for playing a pathetic schlub, as he does in Boogie Nights, The Big Lebowski, 25th Hour, etc.

Willem Dafoe as the Hard-Drinking Detective
Think his role in Boondock Saints mixed with a bit of Platoon. You know you are going to get some serious emotional power with Dafoe in your movie.

Gary Oldman as the Villain
His role in the Professional is by far my favorite on-screen villain ever. He pops pills, talks about classical music, and steals balls from children. What could be better?

Jennifer Connelly as the Female Detective
She goes undercover and ends up having a gratuitous lesbian sex scene with Scarlett Johansson.

Scarlett Johansson as the Stripper with a Heart of Gold
Just because Johansson needs to go topless in a film eventually, am I right? Plus, her ties to del Toro could make for some serious on-screen heat.

Somehow these characters would come together to create a masterpiece. Hell, I'd hardly even have to direct the thing.

And here are a few selections from the movie's soundtrack:

Olivia Tremor Control: "No Growing"
This is the opening music. Dafoe is sitting in the strip club and watching Scarlett Johannson do her thing. Out comes Jennifer Connelly, under cover of course. In the back fo the club, Gary Oldman, wearing an eye patch, strokes his pet poodle and orders the hit on yet another of his enemies.

The Beatles: "Two of Us"
This is the ultimate song of love and it goes perfectly with any romantic montage, especially for a sunny day, lovers with their hands intertwined. That kind of thing. I see Philip Seymour Hoffman and Willem Dafoe having a very touching moment.

The Box Tops: "The Letter"
This is clearly the music playing in the bar when del Toro enters. He looks haggard and immediately sits down at the bar stool and orders a double shot of tequila. Willem Dafoe has been sitting in the bar and quickly catches sight of del Toro, whom he knows is a bandit on the run.

DOWNLOAD: "No Growing" (Music from the Unrealized Film Script, Dusk at Cubist Castle)

Crossing the Red Sea With...

2009-03-04T16:11:00.003-05:00

Crossing the Red Sea with the Adverts should be considered one of the great British punk albums, up there with Singles Going Steady, Damned Damned Damned and Never Mind the Bullocks. But, sadly, ask many otherwise knowledgeable punk fans if they know about T.V. Smith and Gaye Advert and you're going to get some blank stares. Which is a shame. Because they made some of the most fun and often hilarious punk of the mid-70s. The band was formed in 1976 by Smith and Advert, who had grown up in Bideford, a small town in southwest Britain. By '77, they were touring with the likes of the Damned and the Jam and made an appearance on John Peel's BBC Radio One show.

Without further ado, let's get into the album:
It begins with the delightful "One Chord Wonders," a song about only being able to play one chord, but not giving a damn. Isn't that the punk spirit, right there? Next is "Bored Teenagers," another appropriately-titled song for the punk era. Most of the songs are in the 2 to 2:30 minute range, all perfectly compact little pieces of punk fury. One of the greatest punk songs ever is "Gary Gilmore's Eyes," which comes right out of some delightfully campy 70s horror flick. It starts with tribal drumming, and then comes the spooky whisper, "Gary...Gilmore's...Eyes". The premise is that the singer is looking through the eyes of Gary Gilmore, the serial killer who donated his eyes to science.

There is a lot of humor on this album, but also some serious anger with Britain of the 1970s. This comes through in "No Time to Be 21"

Strip down to the bare facts of it.
Into the cold heart, no hope and all that shit.
No chances, no plans.
I think I'll be somebody else.
Or else a madman.
It's no time to be 21,
To be anyone.

"On Wheels" sounds like a clear predecessor to the Dead Kennedys, with its spooky, slow building bass line, and its story about a wheelchair and its lifeless inhabitant. The last song on the album is also the angriest and one of the finest anthems of punk rock. Here's a sample from "Great British Mistake":

The great British mistake was looking for a way out,
Was getting complacent, not noticing
The pulse was racing.
The mistake was fighting.
The change, was staying the same.
It couldn't adapt so it couldn't survive,
Something had to give.
The people take a downhill slide into the gloom.
Into the dark recesses of their minds.

For me, this is one of the most underrated political manifestos of this movement, up there with "Pretty Vacant," "Blank Generation," or "White Riot." The whole thing is a perfect punk album, filled with self-deprecating humor, reflections on teenage angst, anger at the powers that be, and little horror-film gems.

The Adverts made one more album, 1979's Cast of Thousands before they broke up, but by that time they had transitioned into new wave. Crossing the Red Sea is their masterpiece and I urge you to buy a copy for yourself.

Download: "Gary Gilmore's Eyes"

Let's Find Out About!

2009-03-03T19:32:00.004-05:00

For some reason, I always like to know the story behind a band. Usually, I find that I like bands whose back stories are interesting, rather than some band of dullards who somehow made some nice music. For example, take Robert Johnson, who sold his soul to the Devil to play guitar. Without that story, he's just an exceptionally innovative blues singer, who would probably be about as well known as Robert Wilkins. Have you ever heard of Robert Wilkins? Thought not. And I take extra pleasure every time I listen to Screamin' Jay Hawkins, knowing that Jay, who was raised by a Native American witch doctor, was a failed boxer and opera singer, and that he often entered stage from a coffin, and was known to have fathered approximately 75 children. So here are a few artists that I had never heard of until recently. I like their music. Their stories may be the deciding factor for whether I will continue to listen to them.

The Spinto Band
They were formed in Wilmington, Delaware. Well that is decidedly unexciting. Go on... Their original band name was Free Beer. Now we are talking. Why would you ever change your name from Free Beer, I might ask. And what does Spinto mean? According to Wikipedia according to Rosalind Plowright, a spinto voice is "one that has a tonal colour one down from its range." That is decidedly less cool than Free Beer. But go on. Their breakthrough album was 2005's Nice and Nicely Done on Bar None Records, home (or former home) to Yo La Tengo, the Mendoza Line, and Of Montreal (all bands I like a great deal and have posted about on this here blog). Score one for The Spinto Band. So let's look at a fairly recent interview with the band (usually, in my experience, a pretty good way to judge a group/artist). When asked an excellent question, what music do you listen to that sounds nothing like yours, the band responded, "I wish we sounded more like Cannibal Ox or Del," which is a fantastic answer. I am a huge fan of Cannibal Ox. So you have my support, The Spinto Band. Now get to work on knocking up 75 women.

Crystal Stilts
I have tried scouring the internet for information on this group and have found precious little. What I know is the following: they were formed in Brooklyn, although two (I think) of the members come from Florida. Just about everywhere you look, they are compared to the same bands: New Order, Joy Division, Jesus and Mary Chain, Velvet Underground, Shop Assistants... I like all of these bands actually, so there could be much worse things to say about a band, in my opinion. I have read several interviews with band members and they don't reveal many interesting details unfortunately. I'd say the jury's still out on this group. They need a bit more attention before I make up mind as to whether they're boring like Coldplay or fuckin' rockstars like the Libertines.

The Golden Filter
I'm usually not much for electronica, but what I've heard of this group is quite unique, very psychedelic, which is my kind of thing. From the internet, I've found that the group is "secretive" and there is virtually no real information about them to be found. So they have mystery going for them. Often, media-shy groups are more interesting then attention-starved whores. For example, The Knife, a group that has tried their best to escape attention, is known for wearing bird masks and making cryptic remarks. Whereas, Courtney Love, I really don't want to see your boobs again. So fascinate me with something weird, The Golden Filter, and I can get over you being secretive.

Andrew Bird
Yes, I had heard of Andrew Bird before, but I hadn't actually listened to him until recently. He lives the lifestyle that I dream about, spending part of his time in Chicago and part of the time on a farm. That's where its at: either among the noise and people of the city or on the farm, with nothing but animals and earth to distract oneself. Plus, the guy's from Chi-city, as am I initially. He is also best known as a multi-instrumentalist. He plays violin, glockenspiel, guitar, mandolin, and he whisles. OK, I can dig it. He was trained in the Suzuki method. Yo, me too. That Suzuki method taught me how to play the piano when I was six years old and I continued with the books all the way through the sixth grade, a fairly large chunk of my life. Bird is currently signed to Fat Possum Records, a label that also is home to excellent groups, such as the Black Keys, the Fiery Furnaces, and the highly eccentric Bob Log III. He lists two of his biggest influences as being jazz-men Johnny Hodges and Lester Young. I happen to own a combined nine albums by those two formidable jazz giants. Andrew Bird is my kind of guy and I will definitely explore more of his music.

King Khan and the Shrines
This group gets a +1 for the name alone. The band was founded in 1999 by King Khan (AKA Blacksnake), formerly of the bands The Spaceshits and Kukamongas. This is straight from their Wikipedia page:

The original Shrines lineup of the (Sensational) Shrines consisted of King Khan on vocals and guitars, Mr. Speedfinger on guitar, Boom Boom Jennes on bass, John Boy Adonis on "big beat," Sam Cook on trumpet, percussionist Ron (A.K.A. Rahn) Streeter (who formerly played for Ike and Tina Turner, Bo Diddley, Curtis Mayfield, Stevie Wonder, and Al Jarreau), Ben Ra on saxophone and Mr. Tom Bone on trombone. Eccentric French organist Fredovitch joined the lineup a week before the group recorded their first album at Toe Rag Studios in London.

This group is fucking awesome!

The Veils
The Veils are a London-based group, led by singer/songwriter Finn Andrews. Andrews grew up in New Zealand and began playing in Devonport with a 12-piece band. That alone is enough to get a little bit of my attention. Finn's father Barry Andrews is actually an accomplished keyboardist who played with David Bowie, Iggy Pop, and Brian Eno. Looks like he has good genes, another plus. This is a great quote from Andrews in an interview with my fellow blogger Sixeyes:

I just like dressing up in weird shit from time to time - bands all look the fucking same and I just woke up one morning and thought “Fuck it, I’m putting on an enormous fucking hat.” I don’t wear it anymore though.

Right on, brother. Another good quote (when asked if he always wanted to be a musician):

Oh God no! It looked like the most horrific fucking profession imaginable – I wanted to make films or be a fisherman or something.

See, I too would like to make films or be a fisherman or something. I shall definitely be checking out more of the Veils.

Common Market
A rare hip-hop group from the Pacific Northwest, Common Market is also fairly unique in that both its members, MC RA Scion and DJ Sabzi are members of the Bahá'í Faith, a religion founded in Persia in the nineteenth century, which I otherwise know just about nothing about. The group has been praised by KRS-One, a deity of hip-hop, for

spitting in the Tradition of the conscious Hiphop movement.

Which is good, I guess. RA Scion has previously lived in Zambia and Greece, which could definitely make for an interesting life. This video officially gets my attention. Check out RA Scion's beard for goddsakes. The guy looks ridiculous and I love it.

Illinois
As I previously mentioned, I was born in Chicago, so this group takes its name from my home state, which makes me like them more than if they were named, say, Indiana. I actually wrote that sentence before reading this interview, bandleader Chris Archibald did with Shoutmouth:

Tell me of the legend of Illinois.

Chris: I named it Illinois because my great-grandfather's name was Illinois Archibald. And my grandfather's name is Indiana Archibald.

So why didn't you go with Indiana?

Chris: Well, I didn't fucking know. It's no big deal. Are you from Indiana or something?

I'm from Colorado.

Chris: Well, then Illinois is better.

Yes! Love this band already. They actually come from Bucks County, Pennsylvania, a county which boasts five colleges/universities, three of which are Bucks County Community College, Philadelphia Biblical University, and Holy Family University in Newtown. Sounds like an exciting place to grow up. I also love his response to this question:

Do you feel special when you play in Illinois, then?

Chris: Oh, yeah, fuck; we're in Illinois. The first time we played in Illinois, we went on tour with The Kooks. It was Cinco de Mayo, man. I got hammered. Hammered. It was a good time.

Oh, hells yeah! They also toured with Menomena, who I don't believe is around anymore, but they were a very interesting group back in the day. Haha this is a hilarious interview actually. Here is the end:

Are you pumped for any other Lollapalooza bands?

Chris: TV on the Radio, The Hold Steady, Cold War Kids -- they're our good buddies. Some of these fags like Pearl Jam...I'm not a big Pearl Jam fan.

What's your drink of choice?

Chris: Jameson Irish Whiskey.

I love that shit, too [point to my shirt].

Andrew: You guys are like two lovers.

Chris: Just don't cum on me.
Okay.

Illinois, you have won me over with this excellent example of a rockstar interview, here, despite this epically shitty, homemade digital short below.

Handsome Furs
Handsome Furs come from Montreal, home to the best music in Canadia. The group is a husband and wife and a short story writer, and the husband Dan Boekner, also plays for Wolf Parade, a group that I have heard of, though I must say, have not listened to much of. Their new album, Face Control, is based on the custom they observed in Eastern Europe, in which club patrons will pay large sums of money to sit at certain tables, and bouncers still reserve the right to throw them out based solely on their appearance. I'm a big fan of the Eastern Europe clubbing scene so this appeals to me quite a deal. Not! Apparently Dan got drunk and got in a fight with G. Love (of the Special Sauce), which was then broken up by Heath Ledger (RIP). He also once did acid at Dimmu Borgir, a natural lava field in Iceland. Yes, you have intrigued me, Handsome Furs.

Elvis Perkins
Elvis is the son of Anthony Perkins. That Anthony Perkins. From Psycho and Murder on the Orient Express. Perkins was bisexual and died from AIDS. And Elvis' mother, Life magazine photographer Berry Berenson was onboard American Airline Flight 11, which crashed into the World Trade Center on September 11. That is one tragic life. Elvis has an extremely talented/eccentric extended family as well. His aunt is actress is Marisa Berenson (Barry Lyndon, Cabaret). His grandfather is Osgood Perkins, who was a successful Broadway actor and appeared in the original Scarface. His grandmother is

Countess Maria Luisa Yvonne Radha de Wendt de Kerlor, better known as Gogo Schiaparelli, a socialite of Italian, Swiss, French, and Egyptian ancestry.

His great-grandmother is fashion designer Elsa Shiraparelli. His great-grandfather was

Count Wilhelm de Wendt de Kerlor, a Theosophist, Spiritualist,lecturer and psychic medium.

His great-great uncle was

Giovanni Schiaparelli, an Italian astronomer who believed he had discovered the supposed canals of Mars

And his great-great aunt was

Senda Berenson (1868 – 1954), an athlete and educator who was one of the first two women elected to the Basketball Hall of Fame

And finally, he is a descendant of Talmudic scholar Isaac Abrabanel. That is quite a family history. His life sounds like it comes straight from The Royal Tenenbaums, complete with craziness, brilliance, and tragedy. I don't need to know anything more about him really. This is enough to draw me in.

NL Central Division Preview

2009-02-25T20:02:00.021-05:00

Spring training action kicked off on Thursday with the Cubs victorious over the Dodgers. My boy Hoffpauir had a granny!

Here is a preview for the rest of the Cubs division, the NL Central or Fat Central, as I prefer to call it.

Milwaukee Brewers
Everyone's favorite Sausage Racers (especially Randall Simon's) never quite caught up with the Cubs last year, despite Big Fat CC Sabbathia. And now he's gone, along with their Prior/Wood, Ben Sheets.

New Acquisistions
Trevor Hoffman left the Padres after a pretty bitter feud with management. Now he brings his 554 saves to Milwaukee. But he is 41 now and had an ERA of over 3.50 for the first time since 1995 last year.
Braden Looper has a record of 26-26 since being converted to a starter with St. Louis. Which is perfect. He is the world's most average starter.
Eduardo Morlan is some young Cuban defectee whom the Brewer's picked up in Rule 5 from Tampa Bay. Apparently he can get it near 100.
R.J. Swindle sounds like someone to watch out for, lest he swindle you. For all you're worth. I'm just full of great jokes today.
Chase Wright is the guy who gave up four consecutive homers against the Red Sox a couple years ago. So there's that.
Casey McGehee: I put him in here because he used to be on the Cubs. Other than that, there's not much special about him.

To Look Out For Down the Road
Angel Salome should be the Brewers catcher sooner rather than later (though he was only in AA last year) and his name is just delicious. Am I right?
Mat Gamel is a 23 year old lefty third baseman who had an OPS of .932 in AA last year. No idea what the Brewers plan to do with him, but with Braun having switched to the outfield, he may be able to make a play for the third base job in the near future.

Potentially Dangerous
Yovani Gallardo was injured most of last year (he did start a game in the postseason after being on the DL since May). He's still just 23 and in his 21 Major League starts, he has put up very nice stats (133 ERA+, 1.27 WHIP, 121K/45BB). If he can stay healthy, he may be the Brewers next ace and they desperately need one, without Sheets and C.C.
Manny Parra did not shine in his first full year in the majors in '08. He did have a dugout altercation with Prince Fielder, though, so that was exciting at least. The guy is still just 26. Perhaps this is his year to break out.
Rickie Weeks is also only 26. Perhaps he breaks out this year too?
Corey Hart: Had a very disappointing year after a stellar '07. I had you on my fantasy team, you bastard! Let's see if he can get back on track.

You Say Mediocre, I Say Crappy
David Riske cashed in on a career year in '07 with Kansas City by signing a three-year deal with the Brewers last offseason. And he prompty stunk up the joint with a 5.31 ERA in 45 games. Looks like it was a riske acquisition for the Brewers... HA HA HA I should work for ESPN.
Jeff Suppan: I'm just going to throw it out there, but maybe his whole NLCS MVP Performance was a big fat fluke, kind of like the Cardinals' whole World Series title that year. The Cubs go a hundred years, and despite several (SEVERAL!) highly talented teams, can't win a Series. Meanwhile, the lousy Cardinals with just Pujols (clearly a roider by the way) and one of the Molina brothers inexplicably win the thing, as if there's nothing to it. No, I'm not bitter. Oh, and Suppan is also a religious nut who appeared in an ad with Kurt Warner against stem cell research (below).
Jason Kendall played a very forgettable part of the Cubs' '07 team, only memorable in that he was eventually benched for Soto. Hey, he stole 8 bases last year! Can you believe a catcher did that? I'd say it definitely makes up for his 72 OPS+.
Craig Counsell is the Jason Kendall of utility infielders.
Bill Hall was a rising star back in 2006 at the age of 26. Now he is 29 and coming off two shitty years and I mean shitty.

Definitely Terrifying
Big Fat Prince Fielder had a let-down year in '08 with only 34 homers and 102 ribbies. I don't expect him to have another one.
Ryan Braun: Yeah, he's pretty damn good.

Overall: The Brewers have an excellent core in Fielder, Braun, and J.J. Hardy who I didn't include because he is not terrifying. The guy's name is J.J. They need Gallardo to become their ace right away and to get lucky with a couple of the others I have in the Potentially Dangerous category. With all those things and a return to form for Hoffman, Brew Crew might be able to eake out a .500 season, but honestly, they lack the talent to make the playoffs.

Houston Astros
A surprising team last year. There were four winning teams in the NL Central Division last year. Really! And this was one of them. I don't really remember why. Does anyone?

New Acquisitions
Mike Hampton is no longer signed to the 25th largest contract in sports history. Now he is being paid $2 Million dollars for a one-year contract with the 'Stros. Still probably more than he's worth.
Jason Michaels is a pretty damn ordinary player. He was arrested back in '05 for assaulting a police officer. Never a smart idea. (Mug shot to the left)

To Look Out for Down the Road
J.R. Towles is a 25 year old up-and-coming catching prospect for the Astros. He is definitely a better hitting option than Humberto Quintero, who looks to get the nod for starting catcher based on experience and probably superior fielding.
Brian Bogusevic was drafted 24th overall in 2005. Last year he was converted into an outfielder. And he raked in AA with an OPS of 1.003.

Potentially Dangerous
Wandy Rodriguez had a much better '08 than his 9-7 record would indicate. Maybe his career has turned a corner.
Hunter Pence: After a great rookie season in '07, he definitely was feeling the sophomore slump last year. Can he get over the hump in '09? Judging by this photo, it won't be the only hump for him to get over. If you get my drift.

You Say Mediocre, I Say Crappy
Brandon Backe has had only two semi-full seasons, last year and 2005. Both years his ERA+ was less than 90, which is not particularly good. He was also arrested for participating in a fight at a wedding and then he filed a complaint with the FBI about it. Seriously.
Brian Moehler had one good season. Eleven years ago. Since then he has been a poor man's Jason Marquis basically. He was also once suspended for purposefully scuffing the ball.
Geoff Blum had one good year back in 2002 with Houston. Since then he has been a very unremarkable player who is only noteworthy for being able to play a wide range of positions (though he isn't especially great as a fielder). He was also first traded from the Astros for Brandon Backe. Then he returned to Houston in 2007.
Aaron Boone: Since that stupid year (plate appearance) with the Yankees in 2003, Boone has been a pretty unremarkable player. He is also especially stupid for getting cut from the Yankees for injuring himself in a pickup basketball game that same year. If you recall, the Yankees took that injury as an excuse to trade for AFraud, thus exchanging a gritty, clutch (though admittedly he's pretty mediocre now) player for the most un-clutch, cheating, douche in the game (and I think he makes a few more million per year than Aaron Boone, as well).

Definitely Terrifying
LaTroy Hawkins is definitely terrifying for the fans of whatever team he plays for. I think I had a heart attack about every time he pitched for the Cubs. Seriously, he's actually a pretty solid reliever. Just horribly misused by good ol' Dusty Baker.
Roy Oswalt had a down year in '08. His ERA was 3.54. He's also a very lucky (magic) hillbilly. This is what he said to his wife after he healed his shoulder after touching the spark plug wires of his truck in 1999:

My truck done shocked the fire out of me, and my arm don't hurt no more.

Jose Valverde didn't quite have a dominant '08, as he had in '07 or '05 with Arizona. But he did a nice job stepping into the Astros closer role and he certainly is an intimidating looking dude at 6'4'' 255 lbs.
Lance Berkman is still going strong at 33. Big Puma is as intimidating as they get at the plate.
Carlos Lee scares the shit out of me. And he always kills the Cubs. He did with the White Sox. Then he did with Milwaukee. Now he does with the Astros. It's like a force of nature.

Overall: The Astros have the makings of a pretty nice team with Oswalt as the ace, Berkman and Lee in the lineup and a solid bullpen of Hawkins and Valverde. However, that may not be enough to compete with the Cubs or Cardinals. Their offseason was less than inspiring. And Miguel Tejada is lucky he didn't make the mediocre list. Since getting off those roids, his numbers have taken a serious hit.

St. Louis Cardinals
Never more than an afterthought last year, the Cardinals still managed to do decently with very little hype. This year shouldn't be all that different for them.

New Acquisitions
Royce Ring: Because whenever you have a chance to sign a guy who had an 8.46 ERA the year before, you gotta do it.
Khalil Greene: Because whenever you have a chance to trade for a guy who hit .213 the year before, you gotta do it. Actually Greene is probably a pretty average player who just had a terrible '08.

To Look Out For Down the Road
Mitchell Boggs is a long shot to make the rotation this year, but he had an excellent campaign last season at AAA and is currently 25. He could very well be called up at some point during the season.
Jason Motte is a reverse Rick Ankiel. He used to be a catcher and now he's a pitcher. He actually seems to be pretty good too.
Jarrett Hoffpauir is Micah's little brother, at least I would assume so. How many Hoffpauirs can there be?
Joe Mather is 26 and had a pretty nice debut last year for the Cards. Plus his nickname is "Joey Bombs."

Potentially Dangerous
Chris Carpenter has only appeared in 5 games over the past two years, but he is apparently looking healthy this Spring Training. Who knows if he can get back to where he used to be even if he is healthy.
Chris Perez is a 23 year old who can hit 99 on the gun. He sure is a lot more exciting than the Cardinals more experienced "closer," Ryan Franklin who (what a shocker for the Cardinals!) is a roider.
Chris Duncan had a very poor '08, which was also compounded by some injuries. And he's 28 already, but he really has only had one full year at the major league level and that season was pretty promising.
Skip Schumaker had his first full year in '08 and did a nice job of it. He seems to be a pretty good OBP guy.

You Say Mediocre, I Say Crappy
Joel Pineiro: In seasons in which he has started 20+ games, he hasn't had an ERA+ above 100 since 2003.

Definitely Terrifying
Adam Wainwright had an awesome second year starting in '08. He looks to be a real ace for the Cardinals' down the line.
Yadier Molina will never have great offensive stats, although they certainly were respectable enough last year. He is a cat behind the plate however, and he does seem to come up big in certain clutch situations, like in the playoffs for example.
Troy Glaus is yet another roider for the Cardinals.
Albert Pujols is yet another roider for the Cardinals...Oh wait! He hasn't been caught yet. I will admit, he is about the most terrifying player to see at bat in just about any situation. Let's see how good he is without the roids though (hopeless Cubs homer alert)! And what the hell is this ad?
Rick Ankiel: What a coincidence! Another steroid user on the St. Louis Cardinals! How utterly strange! Tony LaRussa definitely had no idea what was going on with McGwire, right?
Ryan Ludwick is 30 years old and coming off a near-MVP caliber season which happens to be only the second full year of his career. Was this a fluke? Or is he simply a (very) late bloomer? We will find out this year.

Overall: The Cardinals should be the Cubs' biggest competition on paper. They have a much more intimidating lineup than I remembered and Wainwright is becoming a certifiable ace. However, the rest of their pitching staff is average at best. Wellemeyer and Lohse put up winning records last year, but they are 3rd or 4th starters at best. And they're all a bunch of drunk driving, roiding cheaters anyway.

Cincinnatti Reds
They're run by our old friend Dusty Baker (and his toothpick), who brought back several of "his guys" when he joined the team last year (though it appears only Dick Pole and George Harrison's son are left (not Dhani, the other one)). Adam Dunn got the boot for being a stupid baseclogger.

New Acquisitions
Micah Owings can hit but can he pitch? I think he should seriously consider switching to the outfield or first base. He is still just 26.
Arthur Rhodes is a 39 year old veteran reliever who is still normally quite effective. He is also responsible for the rule barring the use of "distracting jewelry."
Ramon Hernandez used to be good. His last two years have been quite ordinary however and at the ripe age of 32 it appears his best years may be behind him.
Willy Taveras is Dusty's favorite kind of player: a scrappy, basestealer, who won't "clog the bases." He also has the distinction of making the World Series twice, and being swept both times (with the Astros and the Rockies).

To Look Out for Down the Road
Homer Bailey is supposed to be quite a prospect. However, his numbers haven't quite been as good as the hype, as he posted a 4.77 ERA in AAA last year. That didn't prevent him from releasing his own chardonnay.
Bill Bray was the 30th overall pick in the 2004 draft. He did nicely last year in his first major callup to the big leagues out of the pen.
Daniel Ray Herrera needed a shoutout because he is a 5'6'' screwball pitcher. He was also part of the Volquez-Hamilton deal that seemed to work out pretty well for both teams.
Ramon Ramirez got called up last year and did excellent work in four starts. He is currently 26.
Daryl Thompson is only 23 and he already has major league experience. Perhaps that is the product of being in the Reds organization, but he also posted brilliant numbers in both AA and AAA last year.
Yonder Alonso is a first base prospect whom the Reds picked 7th overall in the 2008 draft. He also would frequently work out with ARod while at UMiami, so I ain't sayin' he's a roider. Just sayin...
Adam Rosales is an underhyped prospect who has put up nice numbers the past two years in AA/AAA. He plays third and first and is 25.
Chris Dickerson played out of his mind for the 30 days he spent in the majors last year. Is he really that good?

Potentially Dangerous
Johnny Cueto was overshadowed by fellow rookie Edinson Volquez, but he had a pretty nice debut in '08. Especially nice was his 158 K to 66 BB. Let's see if he can build on it this year.
Aaron Harang: After three nice seasons for the Reds (he led the league in Ks and Ws in '06), Harang dropped off significantly in '08. Will he be able to turn it back around?
Edwin Encarnacion has quietly been developing into a nice young third baseman. He is still just 26. His numbers have been good-not-great ever since he came up. Can he take a turn toward greatness in '09? Maybe Edwin. Maybe. He definitely needs to work on his fielding.
Brandon Phillips: I think the guy had a very overrated 2007 and in '08, he fell down to earth in a big way. Still, he is just 27 and has the tools to be a pretty decent hitter (though if Dusty works his "magic" on him, he'll probably turn into the next Corey Patterson (above)). He is also an excellent fielding second baseman.
Jay Bruce is 21 years old! He had a very promising rookie year in '08. I would not be shocked to see him improve on it.

You Say Mediocre, I Say Crappy
Jeff Keppinger is a 28 year old utility infielder, who by virtue of playing for the Reds, played in over 120 games last year. He is one of the few major league starters to hit under .270, hit less than 5 home runs, and steal less than 5 bases. Really, he's a contact hitter who didn't make a whole lot of contact. And he's a below-average shortstop.

Definitely Terrifying
Francisco Cordero may never terrify me because of the way he choked for the Brewers back in '07. However, he is a very solid closer and has put up impressive numbers pretty much his whole career.
Edinson Volquez had an incredible 2008. And sorry, Rangers, I don't care how good and inspiring Josh Hamilton is, you got the shit end of the deal. Both teams lacked any semblance of pitching. Now the Reds at least have Volquez. Pitching wins championships, people. What the Rangers need is George Bush to take the team back over.
Joey Votto is a 25 year old who can flat-out hit. He is going to be a monster in a few years. And he seems to be a nice fielder as well. He also hails from Etobicoke, Ontario, which sounds like an obscure Inuit fishing village, but is actually part of Toronto.

Overall: Cincinnatti is a young team that happens to have one great starter, hitter, and reliever. They have plenty of young talent to develop, but, unfortunately, they chose Dusty Baker to ruin it all.

Pittsburgh Pirates
They had a typically craptastic year in 2008. They also had the good sense to take part in the Jason Bay-Manny Ramirez extravaganza, giving away their most recognizable player and receiving... something in return I assume.

New Acquisitions
Ramon Vazquez is coming off a textbook career year for the Rangers. Plus he's 32 years old. But this is about all the Pirates can afford in terms of free agents. He is also a dreadful fielder, but he can play shortstop, third and second, if that makes up for it.
Eric Hinske is average in just about every way. In fact, he has never replicated the success of his Rookie of the Year first season seven years ago.

To Look Out for Down the Road
Jimmy Barthmaier is a 25 year old starting prospect. He had a pretty decent year in AAA last year although he struggled after getting the call up. He needs to make the jump soon or risk losing his shot.
Craig Hansen who was picked 26th overall in the 2005 draft, can reportedly hit 98 on the radar. He has yet to make much of an impact at the major league level, but he has the skills. Oh, he was the guy the Pirates got in the Bay-Manny deal.
Pedro Alvarez was drafted second overall by the Pirates in '08. And that should turn out to be a pretty good pick for Pittsburgh, it appears.
Andy LaRoche: Another part of the Bay-Manny deal. The Pirates love the La Roches apparently.
Jose Tabata was the Yankees' 2nd best prospect last year before being traded to the Pirates as part of the Xavier Nady deal. Now, the Yankees aren't quite as well known for their farm system as they are for, say, their extravagant free agent signings and general villainy, but Tabata looks like quite a promising outfielder at the age of 20.

Potentially Dangerous
Tom Gorzelanny had a disaster of a 2008, after his first two very promising years. He was recalled to AAA and there he actually did very well. He is still quite young, so a return to form wouldn't be too surprising.
Paul Maholm had a very nice 2008, showing significant improvement in his third year in the majors.
Ian Snell: Similar to Gorzelanny, Snell had a dreadful '08 after a particularly good 2007. He is also still young. For some reason, he used to go by his wife's last name, Oquendo, until 2003 when he changed it back to Snell.

You Say Mediocre, I Say Crappy
Freddy Sanchez won the NL Batting title in 2006. Now, I'm not going to say that was a fluke, but his numbers were quite a bit lower in 2007 and way way lower last year. So, OK, maybe I am saying it was a fluke. He's 31 at this point, but for some reason the Pirates thought it was necessary to sign him to a three year deal last year that could pay him up to $19 Million. This is why the Pirates can't afford any real free agent deals. Freddy Fucking Sanchez.

Definitely Terrifying
Matt Capps: I really had no idea that he was the Pirates closer, let alone that he is a particularly good, young closer, which he is. In his first two years, he has 39 saves, which doesn't sound like a lot, until you remember he plays for the Pirates. He's just 25 too.
John Grabow: Well he was Jewish Pitcher of the Year in 2008. And the Pirates aren't exactly overflowing with candidates for this category.
Ryan Doumit had a great 2008. Behind the plate, he could use some improvement however.
Adam LaRoche is the Pirates big bat. Well he isn't a typical middle of the lineup type, but he did have a return to his '06 form last year and he's still under 30. He also loves killing deer.
Nate McLouth is probably the Pirates' best hitter. He started off hot and refused to slow down last year. He has also developed into a pretty damn good outfielder, winning the Gold Glove last year.

Overall: I'm sorry, but the Pirates, for me, are just the least interesting team in the division. Sure they have some decent young talent, especially Doumit and McLouth, both of whom I like a great deal, but their rotation looks pretty hopeless and their new acquisitions are laughable.

My Prediction for '09 Division Order:
Chicago Cubs
St. Louis Cardinals
Houston Astros
Milwaukee Brewers
Cincinnati Reds
Pittsburgh Pirates

No one in the division improved significantly. The Brewers are going to have a big fall with the loss of Sabbathia and Sheets. Cincinnati should be higher if not for Baker.

The Edge of Heaven

2009-02-25T18:17:00.006-05:00

This is one of the most beautiful songs ever recorded, I am convinced. It comes from the album The Edge of Heaven by Gary Lucas. Lucas is about as woefully underappreciated as it gets in the history of music. He currently leads the group Gods and Monsters with Jerry Harrison of the Talking Heads. He started as co-manager and guitarist for Captain Beefheart's Magic Band in the early 80s and threw down some memorable guitar solos on albums like Doc at the Radar Station. The guy also co-wrote "Grace" and "Mojo Pin," two of the best songs in Jeff Buckley's classic catalog. This whole album is his reinterpretation of Chinese pop songs from the 1930s (He plays the guitar and a Chinese lady sings). It's simply wonderful.

Download: "I Wait for Your Return"

Oh, and check out Jane Goodall's article about the recent chimp attack. I know from a class I took last year that chimpanzees are not quite the cuddly creatures they have been made out to be. In fact, they are prone to spontaneous bursts of rage, in which they will maul a fellow chimp to death (or a human, in this case). I hope this will convince anyone who was considering it to definitely not get a chimpanzee as a pet (or a son, or whatever it was that lady had him as in her strange, twisted little world).

Sealab 2021

2009-02-22T18:13:00.002-05:00

Sealab 2021 was one of the most brilliant TV shows ever. It was often bizarre and always hilarious. This is my favorite episode ever, the "I've gotta have a baby!" episode.

"Oh, you mean Black Debbie."
"Woah woah woah why is she Black Debbie?"
"No not in a Bad way. It's just to tell them apart because she's Black."

"Hesh wants some SEX!"

"I've got something for you."
"What is it?"
"A book."
"What book?"
"A Modest Proposal"
"By whom?"
"Jonathan Swift."
"And what is the book about?"
"...Eating babies."

"Man don't go out there. That blaaack chick is crazy!"

"Why do you think they call me Dr. Quin?"
"I thought that was a nickname. You know, like Dr. Dre."

Here's the Sealab Theme, done by a group called Calamine. And also check out "No Names (Black Debbie)" by Danger Doom, which samples this episode.

Download: "Sealab 2021 Theme"

Bulls Actually Do Something Good for Once

2009-02-19T19:55:00.003-05:00

It has been quite a while since John Paxon has made a move that hasn't elicited a reaction ranging from a yawn to a groan of despair. Let's look back at a few of Paxon's recent brilliant moves:

1. Trading Tyson Chandler to make way for Ben Wallace in 2006
At this point, Chandler was 23. He was only averaging 5.3/9.0, but at least the guy was 23 and had some promise. Ben Wallace, on the other hand, was a ten year veteran at the age of 32, and though he had averaged 6.4/10.7 the past year, he had clearly regressed since two years previously when he averaged 9.5/12.4. This was a completely defenseless move, exchanging a young, promising player (with better numbers than Wallace had at the same age) for a much older player, whose skill-set was clearly deteriorating.

2. Exchanging draft pick of LaMarcus Aldridge for Tyrus Thomas in 2006
Aldridge had a year more of experience in college than Thomas. He had averaged 15/9.2 the past season, compared to Tyrus's 12/8.9. Paxon should have opted for the sure thing here. Instead he went with the riskier Thomas, and let's just say, the numbers haven't exactly backed up his decision.

3. Not making a move for KG or Pau Gasol in 2007
Paxon has been WAAAAAY too high on the core of Deng, Gordon, and Hinrich. In the 2006 season, the three combined to average approximately 55/13/12. The next year that number was 48/13/9. Maybe he couldn't have foreseen the mysterious decline in stats the next year, but certainly last year's Kevin Garnett was better than any of those three could ever hope to be.

4. Signing Vinny Del Negro in 2008
This was a ballsy move considering that Del Negro's name was never seriously mentioned in any kind of speculation. The guy had never coached at any level at all. And (surprise!) he's a horrible coach. The Bulls might not have been overflowing with talent this season, but to be six games below .500 right now with the considerable talent of Derrick Rose is completely inexcusable.

And there are probably some other stinkers that I didn't think of. Basically, Paxon had assembled a team that was on the cusp in 2006, but instead of improving it, he made a series of moves (or non-moves) that completely destroyed any chances they had at winning.

The good news: The Bulls have made some trade (OK, nothing major) that are actually pretty intelligent.

1. Trading Andres Nocioni to the Kings for John Salmons and Brad Miller
Yes, Nocioni is gritty, but he is also a 29 year old, whose stats used to be 4 points and 1.5 rebounds better per game two years ago. Miller is a veteran whose stats, admittedly, aren't as good as they used to be. But at least, he brings some inside presence to a team for whom that has been a glaring weakness for years, and he will join Drew Gooden to give us the two worst/best hairstyles in basketball. Salmons is also 29, but his stats have risen by 6 points and 1 assist since last year. For more on why this is a pretty good trade for the Bulls, here is an excellent article from Bleacher Report.

2. Trading Larry Hughes to the Knicks for Tim Thomas, Jerome James and Anthony Roberson
Just about any trade with the Knicks can only be good for the other team. The Bulls needed to get rid of Larry Hughes who is an ugly, useless turd. It's a stretch to call Thomas a decent player, but at least he isn't Larry Hughes. I knew nothing about Roberson until just now, and I don't think there really is much to know. He did once play in Israel...and Turkey! And according to the Tribune, it looks like the Bulls can just release James because of his injury. So, no the Bulls didn't gain much (anything) here, but at least they got rid of Larry Hughes.

3. Trading Thabo Sefalosha to the Seattle Super Sonics (oh wait) for a first round draft pick
As much as I enjoyed the Swiss Chocolate, Sefalosha is no good. And we got a first round pick for him, which is more than I could have ever imagined. The Sonics (shit) should have a pretty high pick as well, one would suspect.

So congratulations, Paxon, for not completely shitting the bed this time. Maybe next year Derrick Rose can play on a real team.

The Curious Cases of Roberto Alomar and Joaquin Phoenix

2009-02-13T19:21:00.003-05:00

These two stories have fascinated me this past week more than anything else (and strangely they have quite a bit in common):

Robbie Alomar is a former major league second baseman if you aren't a sports fan. He is, in fact, one of the best second basemen to ever play the game. He has more Gold Gloves (10) than any other second baseman, as well as the second most Silver Sluggers (4). Over the course of his 16 year career, he hit .300 with 2724 hits and 210 career home runs. He also comes from one of the great baseball families (up there with the Griffeys and the Bonds). His father Sandy Alomar Sr. was also an All-Star second baseman and is the current Mets third base coach. Robbie's older brother, Sandy Jr., also was a major league catcher. Alomar was the ALCS MVP for the Blue Jays' '92 Word Series team. He made the All-Star team 12 straight times from 1990 to 2001. He was one of the greatest to ever play the game, but was mostly off the minds of most sports fans...until this: on Wednesday the New York Daily News reported that Alomar's ex-girlfriend Ilya Dall is suing Alomar for $15 Million, claiming that he insisted on them having unprotected sex despite him knowing that he was HIV-Positive. The lawsuit claims, that in 2006, Alomar was diagnosed with "full blown AIDS." The lawsuit goes on say that Alomar may have contracted the HIV virus when he was raped by several Mexican immigrants at the age of 17. Alomar has said that the lawsuit is "filled with lies," but so far, he has not denied that he has AIDS. This isn't the first time that Alomar has been involved in a controversy. He famously spat in the eye of an umpire in 1996 over a supposed "racial slur." There are a ton of questions left unanswered here. My guess is that Alomar must really have AIDS but I wouldn't be surprised if the girlfriend made most of the rest of the lawsuit up, figuring it would be a good way to get revenge by humiliating Alomar, while making 15 Million in the process.

Joaquin Phoenix is a former actor and was, until retirement this past October, one of the most respected actors in Hollywood. He is probably best known for his role as Commodus in Gladiator (for which he was nominated for an Oscar as best supporting actor) and as Johnny Cash in Walk the Line (for which he won a Golden Globe for best actor). Phoenix is also part of a big-time Hollywood family. His older brother River was a very promising up-and-coming actor (appearing in acclaimed roles in Running on Empty and My Own Private Idaho) before his drug overdose at the age of 23 in 1993. Joaquin famously delivered the 9-1-1 call upon discovering his OD'ing brother. His siblings Rain and Summer have also appeared in a handful of films. Phoenix's parents were part of the religious cult Children of God. Phoenix has been involved in some bizarre moments in the past, including when, in the middle of an interview on the Red Carpet in in 2005, he asked the interviewer,

Do I have a large frog in my hair? Something's crawling out of my scalp.

He also once was rescued from a car crash by one of my favorite directors (who has also been involved in his fair share of odd moments), Werner Herzog. But nothing tops his interview with David Letterman on Wednesday. Phoenix sported a large, scruffy beard and sunglasses. He chewed gum throughout the course of the interview. He barely answered any question Letterman asked, instead mumbling to himself, and in general, acting somewhat hostile. It was bizarre and very uncomfortable. There are two different theories here. One is that he is on drugs. This theory is easily backed up by his past (he once checked into rehab for alcoholism, his brother's OD, and his "frog" comments). Another is that this is all an elaborate hoax. Casey Affleck, who happens to be Joaquin's brother-in-law, is supposedly making a documentary about Phoenix's rap career. Could this all be a Borat-esque scheme? If so, it is a very very convincing one.

Where all this becomes very strange is the similarities between the two cases. First of all, both Joaquin and Robbie are Puerto-Rican. Alomar was born in Ponce, Phoenix in San Juan (he's also half-Jewish by the way). Next, both controversies occured on Wednesday the 11th. Then there is the fact that both come from big-time, respected families, the Alomars in baseball and the Phoenixes in Hollywood. For neither is this the first bizarre moment of their lives. Call it a giant coincidence, but there is something strange here that goes beyond AIDS and craziness. Stay tuned.

Blues Is Troubles

2009-02-13T17:32:00.003-05:00

Memphis Slim is one of my favorite blues artists and this is his masterpiece. It has a classic beginning, "Oh hello...(long pause) I'm Memphis Slim." This song has everything, like a Mexican under a big hat singing "blah blah blah blah." Slim says "No discrimination, everyone has the blues." And he quotes his good friend Willie Dixon, "some people think they have religion. They have the blues." Truer words have never been spoken. This is a real blues manifesto, its national anthem. "The sun gonna shine in my back door one day! And the sun gonna rise and blow my blues away!"

Download: "Blues Is Troubles" (All Kinds of Blues)

Fun with New NBA Trade Machine

2009-02-12T23:42:00.002-05:00

The Worldwide Leader unveiled a new Trade Machine today, which is quite addicting I must say. I just spent fifteen minutes trying to find a way for the Bulls to acquire both LBJ and Dwight Howard. Here it is:

Bulls get: LeBron James (14.4 M for 2 yrs) and Dwight Howard (13.7 M for 5 yrs)
Cavs get: Larry Hughes (12.8 M for 2 yrs) and Tyrus Thomas (3.7 M for 2 yrs)
Magic get: Ben Gordon (6.4 M for 1 yr) and Cedric Simmons (1.7 M for 1 yr)

It would be a shame to give up Cedric Simmons, but I'm sure I'd get over it.

U Can't Stop Me

2009-02-12T21:54:00.001-05:00

That's pretty much how I feel now. And while I don't usually usually approve of the use of "U" instead of "you" or similar nonsense, I do make an exception for the first band whose concert I ever attended, Basement Jaxx. I saw them at Summer Stage in Central Park in 2001. I literally knew nothing about the group when I went in to the concert, but I was quite won over. The concert was more performance art than a typical "concert," complete with Vegas show girls! Since then I have been a fan of the group, an electronic duo from England who makes damn fine dance music.

Basically this is the mood that I'm in right now, and it's a pretty good mood to be in I think. Listen for Urself:

Download: "U Can't Stop Me" (Remedy)

Song for Contemplating Shit

2009-02-11T20:59:00.005-05:00

I am currently digging "Aladdin's Story" by Death in Vegas off of The Contino Sessions. This song is for thinking alone, either while sitting at your desk and drinking a fifth of scotch or while driving at night and passing the hookers (not to be confused with hookahs; this was the unfortunate mistake that a friend of mine once made in Paris) on the seedy side of town. This is a dark, filthy song disguised as laid-back background music. But I know what you're doing here, Death in Vegas. And it is fucking working.
Death in Vegas were originally named Dead Elvis, before The King's estate forced them to change their name to the equally good Death in Vegas, one of my favorite band names along with the Mendoza Line, who I featured recently.

Download: "Aladdin's Story"

Random Musings

2009-02-10T19:43:00.002-05:00

1. In sports news, A-Rod is orange and on steroids, Michael Phelps smoked pot. Both are douches who are way better at their respective sports than at, say, saying anything that could pass for intelligent. Neither incident surprises me and the whole bong thing is probably the most ridiculous story I've heard. A-Rod is, of course, an asshole, who doesn't deserve to be the highest-paid player in baseball by a long shot. The strange thing with the roids here is that he didn't have much (ANY) bump in the numbers for the years that he was supposedly on roids. This means that either he simply didn't need the roids or he never stopped using them (more likely, methinks). At this point, I wouldn't be too surprised to hear that anyone was on steroids (Except for anyone on the Cubs. They're all clean, I tell you!).

2. I had the following interaction with a stranger outside of Edge of the Woods two days ago.
Guy: Hey, can you help me get home?
Me: Uh, OK. Where do you live?
(Guy hands me a train schedule)
Me: You need to get to the train station?
Guy: No. I've been to the train station already.
Me: What? Where do you live?
Guy: Harlem, New York. I just got out of jail and I don't have enough money for the train. Some lady gave me five dollars. Can you help me out?
Me: Oh... Sorry, I was just returning some videos. I don't have any cash.

3. I'm lovin' the Obama audio clips
Nothing like hearing the current president say

"So what happens when we go out to a party with some sisters, huh? What happens? I'll tell you what happens: BLAM! They on us like there's no tomorrow."

Love ya, Obama!

4. Michael Cera, you sir, are the man.

New SI Swimsuit Model!

2009-02-09T21:18:00.003-05:00

...And she's a member of the Tribe. Wow. As if I needed another reason to hate Leo DiCrapio.

Now that I've lured you in, here's a playlist to think on:

Talking Heads: "Born Under Punches (The Heat Goes On)" (Remain in Light)
This is the music that I want playing as I drive through a poverty-stricken African nation while packing a machine gun and smoking a cigar.

Beastie Boys: "Song for the Man" (The Sounds of Science)
Because The Man needs his own song.

The Strokes: "Barely Legal" (Is This It?)
"But what is barely legal?" Here you go, Ali G.

Dizzy Gillespie: "Hot House" (Groovin' High with Dizzy Gillespie)
A dark, hot jazz club somewhere at night.

The White Stripes: "Stop Breaking Down" (The White Stripes)
Sounds like someone is fucked up.

Meat Puppets: "New Gods" (Meat Puppets II)
Even more fucked up. And in Mexico this time.

Fugazi: "Version" (Red Medicine)
This is the music that a gangster listens to as he ruthlessly kills his enemies in the streets.

Interpol: "Roland" (Turn on the Bright Lights)
This is about friendship with a bearded Polish guy, but it sounds so much weirder than that.

Funkadelic: "You and Your Folk, Me and My Folks" (Maggot Brain)
I love George Clinton. What a funky, funky man.

LCD Soundsystem: "New York, I Love You But You're Bringing Me Down" (Sound of Silver)
The title here is pretty self-explanatory. One of the best songs ever written about the city.

Bob Marley & The Wailers: "Buffalo Soldier" (Confrontation)
Happy belated Bob! Hope you're up in heaven right now smoking a giant blunt.

Sly & the Family Stone: "M'Lady" (Greatest Hits!)
Pure joy and makes me think of summer which seems like a long way off right now.

Moody Blues: "Fly Me High" (Time Traveller)
The Moody Blues are often called soft-rock and thought of as lame. Not true! Early Moody Blues kicked ass: very weird and psychedelic.

Beulah: "Gravity's Bringing Us Down" (The Coast Is Never Clear)
Such a good song about reality, love, and the difference between the two.

Elliott Smith: "Say Yes" (Either/Or)
Perfect Elliott Smith. It starts out sounding happy: "I'm in love with the world through the eyes of a girl" but ends up with everything fucked up.

Death Cab for Cutie: "Death of an Interior Decorator" (Transatlanticism)
Based on a Woody Allen film apparently, which I should have guessed. And no, listening to Death Cab is not wimpy, all right? Fuck you. Fuck you.

Ryan Adams: "Burning Photographs" (Rock N Roll)
This album is ultimately pretty disappointing, but this song stands out for me as the best. And it is a very good pop song, ranking among the best that Adams has done.

DMX: "Lord Give Me a Sign" (Year of the Dog...Again)
I love DMX yelling about Jesus, especially when he tells Jesus to "keep it real." Hey, DMX, maybe it's not Jesus's fault that you are in jail for drugs, theft, and animal cruelty (ironic, given the album title here, too). Just a thought. Don't kill me.

The White Stripes: "Truth Doesn't Make a Noise" (De Stijl)
Possibly my favorite White Stripes song ever. And I'm a pretty big fan of their whole catalog.

Back to the Music

2009-02-08T13:55:00.004-05:00

Songs from Around the Blogosphere

Kid Cudi: "Day 'N' Nite" (A Kid Named Cudi)
This is my jam.
Who are you?: This guy appears to be one of the new up-and-coming rappers who I hope to hear a lot more from.
Where is he now?: He's signed to GOOD Music with Common and John Legend and has a new album coming out this year (Man on the Moon: The Guardians) which I will be sure to check out.

James: "Laid" (Laid)
This is quite a pop song.
Who are you?: James were a British group who formed in the early 80s. They broke up in 2001, but have since re-formed.
Where are they now?: They actually released a new album last year called Hey Ma which got pretty good reviews.

Liliput: "Nice" (Liliput/Kleenex)
This is a fucking great song. And it gives me an idea of where Stereo Total came from
Who are you?: They are really the only group that fits the description of "all-female Swiss punk group."
Where are they now?: Unclear. Probably Switzerland?

Brainticket: "Watching You" (Psychonaut)
Trippy. Very trippy. Makes me fell like I'm in a drug-induced stupor.
Who are you?: An obscure krautrock group who appear to have been formed in 1968 by Swiss, German, and Italian members.
Where are they now?: After an 18 year hiatus, they last recorded an album in 2000 called Alchemic Universe.

Billy Danze: "Savages" (Behind Gatez)
One of the best gangsta tracks I have heard in a long time. Very old school.
Who are you?: Member of the M.O.P. (Mash Out Posse, which sounds a lot less gangsta when you call it Mop).
Where is he now?: M.O.P. recently filed a suit against John Cena of the WWE for plagarism and left G-Unit records. They have a new album called The Foundation which should be out later this year.

Album of the Week
Every week I'm going to try to blurb an album that has not gotten the kind of attention, acclaim, respect, etc. that I think it deserves.

The Mendoza Line: Lost In Revelry

Review: This is a breakup album, which means that it is pretty depressing and not necessarily fun to listen to, but it is nevertheless, a fucking brilliant breakup album. This is country-tinged in the best way. The boy-girl vocals, the lyrics ("touch the part of you that's fucking around"), the perfect instrumental parts: it all adds up to one of my favorite albums. Buy this album. I beg you. You can't regret it.

Songs: The opening song "A Damned Good Disguise" builds up for two and a half minutes before a chorus which is both exuberant and heartbreaking, full of the backup vocals and twangy guitar that characterize the group. "Whatever Happened to You?" is the only song that can be described as borderline-upbeat. It is more wistful than anything, but there is perhaps a little bit of hope that gets through all the bitterness. "In Your Hands" is an angry, embittered, and kickass tune. "The Triple Bell of Shame" is a broken-down end-of-the-line hit-the-bottom out-of-luck type of song. Real uplifting stuff here, "You've outlived your uselessness." The best song on the album, no question, is "The Queen of England." Sample lyric: "So you thought you were in love just 'cuz I bought you pancakes. Call it an honest mistake, but for goddsake's, don't call it love." Have these two been breaking up with eachother ever since they got together? Then there's "The Way of the Weak," which begins with a simple yet pounding beat and then Shannon's vocals come on, pissed off and out of some nightmare.

Back Story: It is appropriate that the band takes their name from baseball's Mendoza line, based on shortstop Mario Mendoza who always hit around .215, thus the cutoff between the truly terrible and simply mediocre. The band is purposefully low-key but still somehow big. Oh and also, they have some soap-opera territory backstory. The two leaders of the group, Shannon McArdle and Tim Bracy married in 2005 and were divorced two years later. This album came out in 2002 before that whole ordeal, but there is a sense of sadness that seems to always be around the Mendoza Line. McArdle and Bracy were dating at the time of Lost in Revelry. Oh, and by the way listen to McArdle's story here: after getting divorced, she was tripped going down the subway stairs and needed serious rehab. I guess sometimes sad songs come from sad people. Now isn't that entertainment for ya!

Download: "The Queen of England"

(Thanks to The Village Voice)

Wallachia

2009-02-02T22:31:00.004-05:00

Great article in today's New York Times on the Kingdom of Wallachia, a fake country in the Czech Republic, founded by the photographer Tomas Harabis. Their first king was a clown named Bolek Polivka (above). Wallachia is a real region, which was the birthplace of Freud. The Wallachians also claim to have invented hockey (based on the similarity in shape to their sheep's dung).
The last line of the article is great:

Most residents do not take themselves that seriously. “The Kingdom of Wallachia is a joke,” said Petr Jerabek, 25, the owner of a local pub, before downing his sixth shot of slivovitz [the Kingdom's 110 proof plum brandy] on a recent day. “It is just a good way to make some money.”

And Another Thing...

2009-02-02T17:28:00.003-05:00

Hill is officially gone for a player to be named later. So is Michael Wuertz for minor league outfielder Richie Robnett and shortstop Justin Sellers, both of whom are mid-range at best prospects. Apparently, the Cubs are desperately trying to get rid of anyone who is out of minor league options. I think Guzman is viewed a bit more favorably than Hill, Wuertz, and Pie (all three of whom were sent down to the minors last year), so hopefully he will stick around and make the team.

(Courtesy: Mercury News)

Buddy Holly Plane Crash 50th Anniversary

2009-01-30T22:19:00.002-05:00

Buddy Holly was one of the greatest figures of rock & roll and one of its most tragic losses. The anniversary of his death is February 4th, but I figured I'd have more time to post something now.

3 songs by the man himself:
"Maybe Baby" (American Graffiti Original Soundtrack)
The joy of a simple pop song. What's also interesting about this song is the uncertainty. It's not "we're happy and in love." It's "maybe I'll have you for me."

"Dearest" (Down the Line Rarities)
This is on the Juno soundtrack. It's a very simple, sweet love song.

"(You're So Square) Baby I Don't Care" (Buddy Holly)
The first "hip to be square." It's also a clear precursor to "Can't Explain."

Some Covers:
The Beatles: "Words of Love" (Beatles for Sale)
The Beatles idolized Buddy Holly. In fact, their name was a play on his Crickets. This is basically Buddy Holly's song with very little interpretation on the Beatles' part, but they do a nice job with it.

M. Ward: "Rave On" (Hold Time)
This is a great cover. It's a very unique and yet clearly reverent interpretation of one of Holly's classics. Get this album when it comes out on February 17 because from the leaks I've heard it is really really good.

The Rolling Stones: "Not Fade Away" (Big Hits: High Tides and Green Grass)
I used to listen to this compilation all the time on vinyl.

Blondie: "I'm Gonna Love You Too" (Parallel Lines)
This sounds like a Blondie song, but it is, in fact, a Buddy Holly cover. It is simply a perfect pop song.

Tributes/Inspirations/etc.:
Weezer: "Buddy Holly" (Weezer)
Buddy Holly looked like a gigantic nerd which was part of the reason that he is so fascinating, the nerd who drove the girls wild. And this song is all about a nerd being bullied because he looks like Buddy Holly.

Bob Dylan: "Most Likely You'll Go Your Way and I'll Go Mine" (Blonde on Blonde)
Dylan loved Buddy Holly before he loved protest songs, old blues songs, and Romantic poetry. There is a simple Buddy Holly pop side to Dylan that occasionally comes on out on songs such as this.

Elvis Costello: "You Belong to Me" (This Year's Model)
Elvis Costello looks a lot like Buddy Holly and the similarities don't end there. He's a nerdy awkward-looking guy who is both confidently suave and neurotic in the same song.

Simon & Garfunkel: "The 59th Street Bridge Song (Feelin' Groovy)" (Parsley Sage Rosemary & Thyme)
A simple pop song with a Buddy Holly innocence and beauty to it.

The Ramones: "I Want You Around" (Hey! Ho! Let's Go: The Anthology)
Joey Ramone always had a soft cuddly pop side to him. He loved Phil Spector, girl groups, surf rock, and Buddy Holly. This is one example of the Ramones playing a song that wasn't about sniffing glue or scoring "Chinese rock."

The Velvet Underground: "Here She Comes Now" (White Light White Heat)
There is a definite Buddy Holly-side to Lou Reed's songwriting. When he isn't writing about heroin and sadomasochism, he sometimes graces us with a pop gem such as this.

The Who: "I Can't Explain" (Meaty Beaty Big and Bouncy)
As I said before, "(You're So Square) Baby I Don't Care" is clearly this song's predecessor. I love this period of the Who before they became an arena rock band.

UPDATE!!!

2009-01-30T22:10:00.002-05:00

Of the highest importance:
Paul Bako has returned to the Cubs
No I will not be doing a blurb about him because this is just too depressing. Why can't Koyie "Table Saw" Hill get a shot? At least he has an interesting back-story.

Also... Apparently the Cubs are working on a deal to send Rich Hill to the Orioles in exchange for a minor leaguer or two. Now, when I said I wanted to trade for Jake Peavy, I didn't mean I wanted to trade away Rich Hill. I am saddened by these offseason moves that have traded away Cubs that I've grown attached to (Wood, DeRosa, Pie, Hill) for uninspiring, boring veterans (Gregg, Miles, Heilman). I guess the Bradley signing almost makes up for that. He better provide plenty of unintentional comedy, like Manny-level. I expect no less from you, Mr. Monopoly.

The Monster Cubs Spring Training Preview

2009-01-27T10:38:00.020-05:00

Let's assume for the moment that Peavy is not traded to the Cubs. While that would be quite sad for me, it would add an extra bit of intrigue to this year's Spring Training. Without further ado...

The Fifth Starter Question:
Z, Harden, Dempster, and Lilly will be the front-four of the rotation, but who's going to be the fifth starter? Here are some possible names:

Chad Gaudin
Vital Stats: Born 1983 in New Orleans, righty
Fun Facts: In 2007, he had to have a sesamoidectamy to have his sesamoid bone removed (thank you, Podiatry Today!). This is apparently his girlfriend (left).
Major League Debut: August 1, 2003
Ranked the 6th best Devil Rays' prospect of 2004, Drafted in the 34th round of the 2001 draft by Tampa Bay
Experience: He started for a full season in '07, but spent most of '08 in the bullpen. His best season was in 2006 when he spent the full year as a reliever.
Best Known For: Part of the trade that sent Harden to the Cubs in exchange for Sean Gallagher and Matt Murton. Piniella knew him from his days on the Rays. He once threw a perfect 7 inning game in AA Jacksonville back in 2003.
Scouting: Sportsnet calls him "fearless" with good slider. He can "get out of jams." Control seems to be his biggest issue. He's projected as a "decent mid-rotation starter."

Angel Guzman
Vital Stats: Born 1981 in Caracas, Venezuela, RHP
Fun Fact: His brother Daniel Guzman is a drummer in the Venezuelan rock band Subsonus (I hope he's the fat one)
Major League Debut: April 26, 2006
Ranked the Cubs #1 Prospect in 2004, originally signed by the Kansas City Royals in 1999
Experience: 14 major league starts. In '06, he had 10 and struggled mightily with a 63 ERA+ and a 1.88 WHIP.
Best known for: He's often been thought of as having some of the most talent in the Cubs organization. In the 2003 Spring Training, when asked who the best Cubs pitcher was, Wood, Prior, or Zambrano, Barry Bonds answered, "Angel Guzman." He is also injured a ton, suffering everything from serious shoulder problems to arm cramps. He finally had a Tommy John surgery two years ago.
Scouting: He's ranked pretty high all around, but gets a high mark for Strike Out Rating and a low for Control. Sportsnet calls him a "solid mid-rotation starter, if healthy."

Kevin Hart
Vital Stats: Born 1982 in Cleveland, Ohio (bummer, man), right handed
Fun Facts: No relation to the other Kevin Hart
Major League Debut: September 4, 2007
Ranked the Cubs 10th best prospect in 2008, originally drafted in the 10th round of the 2004 draft by Baltimore.
Experience: None starting in the majors. He seems to have transitioned to a relief role, only starting in 10 games at AAA last season.
Best Known For: He was the Player to Be Named Later in the Freddie Bynum trade with the Orioles. I think we can pretty much declare the winner of that trade, no matter what Hart ends up doing. He came out of nowhere in 2007 and blew away Piniella in 8 games to make the postseason roster.
Scouting: He is ranked very highly for K-Rate. His control could be improved. Sportsnet calls him a "solid middle reliever or spot starter."

Aaron Heilman
Vital Stats: Born 1978 in Logansport, Indiana. Right-hander
Major League Debut: June 26, 2003
Ranked the Mets' best prospect in 2002. Drafted in the first round of the '01 draft by the Mets.
Experience: He has made exactly 0 starts in the last three years. He did very well in middle relief in '06 and '07 before having a dreadful '08.
Best Known For: A top Mets prospect who never really panned out as a starter. He seemed to have transitioned nicely into his relief role, but last year he served a pretty major role in the Mets' bullpen implosion and was conveniently scapegoated, first getting sent to the Mariners for J.J. Putz last month and now to the Cubs for Ronny Cedeno and Garrett Olson. He has admitted his preference to starting.
Scouting: According to Sportsnet, has a "snarling splitter" and "works effectively on little rest." His command needs work. He is projected as a "very good setup man if he wants it."

Rich Hill
Vital Stats: Born 1980 in Boston, Mass.
Major League Debut: June 15, 2005
Ranked the Cubs' 6th best prospect of 2006. Originally drafted in the 4th round of the 2002 draft by the Cubs.
Experience: Made 16 starts in 2006, then was part of the Cubs rotation for all of 2007, leading the team in strike outs and posting a very respectable 108 ERA+. In '08, he made only 5 starts before being sent back down to the minors.
Best Known For: Hill looked like he was becoming the next great Cubs' starter after his '07 season, but he suffered a Dave Chappelle-esque breakdown last year (possibly the result of the Cubs' attempt to change his delivery). He only started seven more games in the minors last year and struggled.
Scouting: He gets a perfect score for K-Rate from the Baseball Cube, but is well below average for control. Sportsnet.ca ranks him as a "solid mid-to-late rotation lefty."

Sean Marshall
Vital Stats: Born 1982 in Richmond, Virginia, pitches left-handed
Fun Fact: His twin brother Brian also plays baseball in the Red Sox organization.
Major League Debut: April 9, 2006
Ranked the Cubs 6th best prospect of 2006, originally drafted in the 6th round of 2006 by the Cubs
Experience: Made 24 starts in '06, 19 in '07, and 7 in '08. His numbers have improved each year, but he has also become used more frequently as a reliever than as a starter.
Best Known For: He was a relatively unknown prospect in '06, but made the starting rotation after an excellent Spring Training. He's been pretty dependable filling in for injuries since then.
Scouting: He has pretty good marks all around, with a high in Efficiency and a low in Control. He's not going to wow anyone with his stuff, but he does pretty well with what he's got. Sportsnet.ca projects him as a "good back of the rotation lefty."

Jeff Samardzija (AKA "Shark")
Vital Stats: Born 1983 in Merrillville, Indiana
Major League Debut: July 25 2008
Ranked the 3rd best Cubs prospect and the 80th best prospect in baseball in 2007, Drafted in the 5th round of the 2006 draft by the Cubs
Experience: None as a starter. His best work as a professional pitcher has been at the major league level in '08 as a reliever. Starting in the minors he struggled both in '07 and '08.
Best Known For: Star Notre Dame wide receiver who figured to be a first-day pick in the NFL draft. He can hit 95 on the speed guns like it ain't no thang. Sharky transitioned nicely to the majors last year, adding some fire to the bullpen.
Scouting: The pros: an "electric arm." The cons: must "improve stamina." Sportsnet projects him as a "mid-rotation starter or closer."

... As you can see, there are no clear front-runners here. None of these guys were primarily starters last year. Guzman and Hill are probably the most talented, but Guzman is a physical concern and Hill is a mental case. I would personally love to see Hill get another chance, but it will be interesting to see how this pans out. The worst case scenario here still has to be better than Glendon Rusch or even probably Jason Marquis.

Second Base?
I don't foresee too many lineup battles this Spring Training. Second base is one of the few. Here are the two contestants for the job:

Mike "Little Lord" Fontenot
Vital Stats: Born 1980 in Slidell, Louisiana, Lefty
Not So Fun Fact: Wow! He was on the 2000 LSU College World Series Champion team with Ryan Theriot. Seriously? I haven't heard this every single time the Cubs are nationally broadcast? Fuck you Joe Morgan. No really. Fuck you.
Major League Debut: April 13 2005
Ranked the Orioles 6th Best prospect in 2003. Drafted in the first round of 2001 by the Orioles.
Experience: He took on a bigger role last year and did shockingly well, posting a 131 OPS+ (that is fucking good) in 119 games.
Best Known For: He was traded from the O's for Sammy Sosa (Jesus, we do a lot of deals with the Orioles). He does this ridiculous pre-game ritual with Z. He's got some pop in his bat for a small dude.
Scouting: Still Sportsnet is pretty low on him, calling Fontenot "a scrappy overachiever" who "lacks power" and "speed." They project him as a "backup second baseman." I don't know if I agree with this assessment, considering his '08 season, but it is clear he needs to improve his fielding.

Aaron Miles
Vital Stats: Born 1976 in Pittsburg, Cali. Switchhitter.
Fun Facts: His family is Greek so he originally made the Greek roster for the '04 Olympics before backing out. He has made three pitching appearances, including two perfect innings.
Major League Debut: September 11, 2003
Drafted in the 19th round of the '95 draft by the Astros.
Experience: Last year was his best year by far, but it still was only average by most standards. He can play second, shortstop, and third, but is primarily a second baseman with average fielding statistics.
Best Known For: He's a journeyman utilityman who signed a two year deal with the Cubs this offseason.
Scouting: He's a "consistent contact" hitter. He is perhaps an overconfident baserunner and can get tricked by good pitchers. Sportsnet calls him a "quality utility infielder."

...Since Fonty hits lefthanded and Miles can hit righty, this may turn into a platoon situation, which is fine so long as Fontenot gets more of the at-bats. Miles is a very very poor man's DeRosa. Hopefully Fonty can continue his progress in '09.

Centerfield?
It appears that Soriano will stay in left and Milton Bradley will replace Fukudome in right field. So who will win the center field job. The contestants:

Kosuke Fukudome
Vital Stats: Born 1977 in Osaki, Kagoshima, Japan, lefty
Major League Debut: March 31, 2008
Ranked the 30th Best prospect in baseball for 2008. Signed by Cubs from the Chunichi Dragons in 2008.
Experience: Started out great in '08 but faded quick, as pitchers seemed to figure him out. His patience seemed to spread to the rest of the team, but by the end of the season, he could barely hit a single anymore.
Best Known For: The Cubs first big Japanese import. The rare first-year All Star who was deemed a bust by the end of the year.
Scouting: He is known for great fielding and patience, but he needs to improve his contact and his power numbers have dropped dramatically in the US.

Joey Gathright
Vital Stats: Born 1981 in Hattiesberg, Mississippi, bats lefthanded
Major League Debut: June 25, 2004
Ranked the 87th best prospect in the majors in '05 and the Devil Rays' 3rd best prospect. Drafted in the 32nd round of 2001 by Tampa Bay
Experience: He played 134 games in the majors in 2006. His best statistics were posted in '07 when he only played 74 games in the majors. He still has failed to demonstrate starting-level production at the major league level.
Best Known For: He is one of if not the fastest player in baseball and has been known to jump over cars. Really. The Cubs signed him this offseason after he was non-tendered by the Royals, which is never a good sign.
Scouting: He makes "consistent contact," but lacks patience, power, and has a weak arm. That makes him a bench player at best, despite his ridiculous speed, in all probability.

Reed Johnson
Vital Stats: Born 1976 in Riverside, Cali, right-handed
Major League Debut: April 17, 2003
Drafted in the 17th round in 1999 by the Blue Jays
Experience: His best year was 2006 and he missed time with injuries in '07 and had a down year. Last year, the Cubs picked him up right before the season started and he played well all season, platooning first with Felix Pie and then Jim Edmonds. He has primarily played center and leftfield.
Best Known For: He is known as a tough guy and is consistently among league leaders in the Hit By Pitch category. He's the kind of guy who is always fighting for playing time, but usually does well when given a chance.
Scouting: Sportsnet calls him a "good outfielder" who makes contact and hits well with runners on base. He struggles against right handers and lacks the patience to be a good leadoff hitter. He is projected as a good platoon or fourth outfielder.

So we may see another platoon developing here, probably between Fuku and Johnson, with Gathright being used primarily as a pinchrunner and defensive replacement. The Cubs will need Fukudome to improve.

Closer?
Since Kid K is gone (tear) and so is Howry (thank God), this will come down to two:

Kevin Gregg
Vital Stats: Born 1978 in Corvallis, Oregon, pitches right handed
Major League Debut: August 9, 2003
Drafted in the 15th round of 1996 by the A's
Experience: Has been the closer the past two years for Florida, saving 32 games in '07 and 29 last year. His numbers are good but unremarkable, but he has seemed to have done his best since becoming a closer.
Best Known For: He was traded from the Marlins for Jose Ceda this offseason.
Scouting: Sportsnet calls him "occassionally overpowering." He needs rest to stay fresh and can get in trouble by giving up too many walks. He is projected as a "decent closer."

Carlos "Marmolade" Marmol
Vital Stats: Born 1982 in Bonao, Dominican Republic, pitches right handed
Fun Fact: Signed as a catcher before being converted to a pitcher in the minors.
Major League Debut: June 4, 2006
Signed as an undrafted free agent by the Cubs in 2006
Experience: He wasn't converted to a reliever until 2007 and got only seven saves in '08. He has excelled in any role he has been put in since returning to the majors in 2007, but has been especially good getting out of jams and in late-inning relief.
Best Known For: He is the Cubs most talented reliever and possibly most talented pitcher overall (although Harden and Sharky may come close).
Scouting: He "throws hard with good movement." His biggest problem can be control.

Based on skills alone, this one should go to Marmol, but Gregg has proved to be a pretty decent closer, and Marmol may be better suited to (and more useful in) a setup role.

The Bullpen?
Besides the guys I've already mentioned in the running for the fifth starter and closer battles, there aren't too many sure things in the bullpen. Here are the guys who will be duking it out for the spots:

Jose Ascanio
Vital Stats: Born 1985 in Maracay, Venezuela, throws right handed
Major League Debut: July 13, 2007
Signed as an undrafted free agent by the Braves in 2001
Experience: He has appeared in 19 games over the last two years and has struggled in his limited experience. In the minors he had an excellent '07, recording 10 saves, a 2.54 ERA, 1.08 WHIP in 44 games (10 games started), but last year he struggled, posting a 5.10 ERA and 1.41 WHIP.
Best Known For: Traded by the Braves for Will Ohman and Omar Infante last year.
Scouting: Sportsnet comments that he has a "live arm and the repertoire to be an effective reliever." He needs to work on control and he is also "hittable." They project him as a "solid setup man."

Neal Cotts
Vital Stats: Born 1980 in Lebanon, Illinois, throws left handed
Major League Debut: August 12, 2003
Ranked the White Sox' 3rd best prospect of 2004, drafted in the 2nd round of 2001 by the A's
Experience: After appearing in 70 games in '06, he has only played in 66 over the past two years for the Cubs. Last year, however he showed some return to form, posting a 104 ERA+, but his WHIP of 1.43 was still mediocre. He is not a good left handed specialist (though that's how he's probably going to be used) since he actually has a higher BAA versus lefties than righties over the course of his career.
Best Known For: He was traded from the White Sox in '06 for David Aardsama, which sucks because now the Cubs don't have the guy whose name goes first in every baseball encyclopedia. He won the "Setup Man of the Year" and helped the White Sox win the Series in '05, but has basically struggled ever since.
Scouting: He has a "deceptive delivery" with a "strong change-up and solid curve." His weakness is command and he lacks a dominant pitch. He is projected as a "decent left-handed reliever."

Jeffrey Stevens
Vital Stats: Born 1983 in Berkeley, California, right-handed
Drafted in the 6th round of 2005 by the Reds
Experience: Last year was his first year as high as AAA, but he has done well in just about every stage of his minor league career, last year posting a 3.94 ERA and 1.18 WHIP to go along with 5 saves in 19 games at AAA Buffalo.
Best Known: He's the asshole that we traded DeRosa for, so he better get up to the majors soon.
Scouting: Stevens can apparently get his split-finger up to 98 MPH. He also has a "good change." He profiles as a "solid setup man."

Luis Vizcaino
Vital Stats: Born 1974 in Baní, Dominican Republic, throws right-handed
Fun Facts: His second cousin is Jose Vizcaino, the utility infielder who of course once played for the Cubs (Are there any shitty infielders out there the Cubs haven't had?), He also got into a DUI last year, which is always fun.
Major League Debut: July 23, 1999
8th Ranked prospect for the A's in 1999, Signed as an undrafted free agent by the A's in 1994
Experience: Plenty. Unfortunately, his numbers have regressed significantly each of the last two years. Just two years ago, however he put up excellent numbers (132 ERA+, 1.22 WHIP)
Best Known For: We traded Marquis for him, which gives you an idea of the regard the Rockies had for him. He is quite a journeyman reliever, having played with the A's, Brewers, White Sox, D-Bags, Yankees, Rockies, and now Cubs over the last ten years.
Scouting: He "throws very hard" and can get out of tough spots. He gives up too many homers. Sportsnet calls him a "decent setup man or quality reliever."

Michael Wuertz
Vital Stats: Born 1978 in Austin, Minnesota, throws righthanded
Fun Fact: He may be the ugliest man I have ever seen
Major League Debut: April 5, 2004
Drafted in the 11th round of 1997 by the Cubs
Experience: He has done well whenever he's gotten a chance, however 2007 and 2005 have been his only full seasons in the majors. Last year, he was inexplicably exiled to AAA, depite posting a 123 ERA+.
Best Known For: He ain't flashy, just a dependable middle reliever who has done well for the Cubs since he was called up five years ago.
Scouting: Sportsnet says he has "flaming hot stuff." He needs rest to stay effective and is sometimes ineffective verus lefties. They call him a "decent setup option."

There you have it. Cotts, Vizcaino, and Wuertz are most likely to make the team, but Vizcaino especially might be quite a heart-attack-inducer if he continues his '08 form.

Bench Options?
Daryl Ward and Cedeno are gone. So, too, sadly, is Henry "Hank White" Blanco. Who's gonna fill these prestigious roles?

Jake Fox
Vital Stats: Born 1982 in Beech Grove, Indiana, hits right-handed
Major League Debut: July 19, 2007
Drafted in the 3rd round of 2003 by the Cubs
Experience: He's only played in 17 games in the majors. He had a breakthrough season in AAA last year, putting up a .977 OPS in 105 games. He can play first base and the outfield corners, since he was converted from catcher (which he was epically shitty at) in 2007.
Best Known For: Not much yet. He has a power bat, but probably not much else yet. It is likely that he will be fooled by big league pitching.
Scouting: He has very good power, but must improve his patience.

Koyie Hill
Vital Stats: Born 1979 in Tulsa, Oklahoma, switch hitter
Fun Fact: In 2007 he suffered a table-saw accident and had to have four of his fingers surgically reattached. After many months of therapy he was finally able to regain motion in his hand.
Major League Debut: September 5, 2003
Dodgers' 6th ranked prospect of 2003, he was drafted in the 4th round of 2000 by the Dodgers
Experience: The most games he has ever played in a major league season was 36 two years ago, when he briefly started for the Cubs. Last year, he did pretty well in AAA, posting an .841 OPS in 113 games. He is a decent fielding catcher.
Best Known For: The guy who had four fingers reattached to his fucking hand. Jesus! He was part of the whole catcher fiasco of '07 in the aftermath of the Barrett/Z scuffle.
Scouting: He is a "good hitting catcher" with "occassional power." His major flaw is his inaccurate arm and general receiving skills behind the plate. Sportsnet calls him a "solid big-league backup catcher."

Micah Hoffpauir
Vital Stats: Born 1980 in Fort Worth, Texas, left-handed
Major League Debut: May 18, 2008
Drafted by the Cubs in the 13th round of 2002
Experience: Last year he played in 33 games and was an offensive juggernaut both in the majors and in Iowa, where he posted a monster 1.145 OPS. He has improved hitting-wise each of the past three years. His fielding stats leave something to be desired however. He has experience at first, and the outfield corners.
Best Known For: He is a little too old to be a top prospect but kills the AAA pitching, putting him in a strange position. He made a big impression at the end of last year and it was probably a mistake for Lou to not put him on the playoff roster, considering how anemic our hitting was. Due to his lack of fielding skills, he is probably, at best, a bench player, however.
Scouting: He has "good power." He needs to cut down on the strike-outs. He is projected by Sportsnet as a "backup first baseman."

Those are the main options right there, unless you want to talk about Sam Fuld and Brad Snyder, and personally, I don't.

The Longshots?
Probably the most fun part of Spring Training is seeing which obscure relief pitchers or bench players (with funny names) will exceed all expectations and win the hearts of the Cubs faithful in the quest to become the 40th man. Thankfully, this year there are quite a few of them.

Esmailin Caridad
What He's Done?: He's a 25 year old Dominican who was signed as an undrafted free agent by the Cubs in '07 after spending a year (really 2 games) in Hiroshima. Last year, he spent half his time at A+ Daytona and the other half at AA West-Tenn.
Why He Has a Chance?: Well a 3.16 ERA and 1.06 WHIP in AA is a pretty good start. Plus, what a name!

Rocky Roquet
What He's Done?: He is a 26 year old from California, who was signed as an undrafted free agent by the Cubs in '06. Last year in 39 games in West Tenn he posted a 3.70 ERA and 1.38 WHIP. He also had a very nice 10 K/9.
Why He Has a Chance?: He probably doesn't but that name is even better than the first one.

Bobby Scales
What He's Done?: He was a Padres' 14th round draft pick in '99, but even though he made AAA in 2003, has yet to hit the majors.
Why He Has a Chance?: He actually had his best season ever last year, posting a .914 OPS in Iowa. He's also a switch-hitter and plays just about any position. And he's a substitute teacher during the offseason, which would make for a nice story. And did I mention his name is Bobby Scales?

Doug Deeds
What He's Done?: He was drafted in the 9th round of '02 by the Twins. He made AAA for the Twins last year, but this year with the Cubs he returned to AA.
Why He Has a Chance?: Well he did well in West Tenn, putting up .903 OPS while playing first and right field. Plus, he has a pretty good name, too. It's no Rocky Roquet, but still...

Jason Dubois
What He's Done?: We all remember him from the remarkably bad right field platoon with Todd Hollandsworth that was supposed to replace Sammy Sosa. Since then he was traded to Cleveland to Jody Gerut. Then he was with Baltimore. And now he's back with the Cubs.
Why He Has a Chance?: Well he was pretty spectacular in Iowa last year, with a 1.063 OPS. I'm just sayin'...

Then there are Darwin Barney and Welignton Castillo who have great names but shouldn't stand much of a shot. Ken Kadokura is an utterly unremarkable veteran Japanese reliever, but he is Japanese. And Mike Stanton, So Taguchi and Luis Rivas are washed-up veterans who (hopefully) won't come close to making the team.

That's the preview. Hope it was exhaustive enough for you...

Odds and Ends After a Long Week

2009-01-24T01:01:00.004-05:00

This past week has been far too long for my own good. I have the shittiest Fridays known to man, in which I am constantly running around, don't get lunch until 2:30 and don't get home until 10:30 in the PM. Yes that is a horrible Friday. Now enough with my bitching. Here is a look at the things I've been wanting to post but just haven't had the time for.

1. Three Instrumental Tracks that nearly blew my mind this one time...
Maybe I was just in a particular state of mind, but I was bugging out, doing work in the library while listening to these songs:

The J.B.'s: "My Brother (Parts 1 & 2)" (Funky Good Times)
James Brown's backing band is all kinds of funky.

The Hives: "A Stroll Through Hive Manor Corridors" (The Black and White Album)
Yes, The Hives aren't particularly hip anymore, but I've always been a fan. This is my least favorite of their albums, but this instrumental is enjoyable.

Yo La Tengo: "Spec Bebop" (I Can Hear the Heart Beating as One)
This is like really good Sonic Youth, only I can actually listen to it. "Wait did he say what I..." "Slander!" "No let him speak!"

2. A couple of rap songs for the halibut

Jurassic 5: "Monkey Bars" (Quality Control)
Jurassic 5 do not get nearly enough love. You hear me, nearly! "This one is particularly good for the youngsters..."

Wu-Tang Clan: "Da Mystery of Chessboxin'"
Goddamn is this a good Wu-Tang song. I've had this stuck in my head all day. Just wanted to shout out "Raw I'm gonna give it to ya with no trivia. Raw like cocaine straight from Bolivia!"

Wu-Tang Clan |MTV Music

3. America! Fuck yeah!
Oh Obama, you da Bama! Oh and also, the Rev. Joseph Lowery is officially the man. A tip of the hat to you, sir, for your rhyming ability.
Here are a couple songs for the occasion, curtesy of other blogs. You can easily scour the internet for them:

Chango Malo: "A Change Is Gonna Come"
Wow. This is one of the best covers I have ever heard. Totally passionate. They made this their own song.

Jay-Z: "My President Is Black (Remix)"
This song was written for Hova. It just never sounded quite as credible to me coming from Young Jeezy. "No more war. No more Iraq. No more white lies. The president is black!"

4. The Superbowl is next week...Everyone excited? (whimper)
Well as a sports fan, I am actually looking forward to this and will be rooting for the Cardinals. However, isn't this the same matchup we just saw in the World Series? Team from Pennsylvania versus Team that Nobody ever Imagined Making it this far. And it doesn't help that the Cardinals have about five fans not named Will Leitch. With the economy and all, this Super Bowl might have the lowest ratings in a long time.

As long as we're talking about Superbowls here, Buffalo '66 is a great movie which I highly recommend you watching before betting your life's savings on Brenda... I mean Kurt Warner winning a second Super Bowl. Vincent Gallo is both incredibly narcissistic and self-loathing at the same time, which is sometimes hard to watch, but he has some genius in him, all of which he put into this film. And he does a great job playing himself. Also, Mickey Rourke plays The Bookie. I had the impression from "the media" that Rourke had completely dropped out of film at some point in the '80s, not to return until his glorious comeback in The Wrestler. The truth is that he has actually been in at least one movie every year since 1979 (except 2007). Either way, he gives one of the best performances I have ever seen in The Wrestler. Also, the Bruce Springsteen song from the movie (also called "The Wrestler") is must-hear material.

5. The Cubs have a new owner
Named Tom Ricketts. The guy is a fan who met his wife in the Bleachers. You can find women in the Bleachers? This was the best possibility since Cuban has been indicted. Hopefully, Ricketts will make it his first order of business to trade for Jake Peavy already.

6. This article nearly made me cry
Yes, I am an unabashed Sports Guy fan. He forgoes most of his (yes, occassionally tedious) Karate Kid and Teen Wolf references here and just puts together a really well-written article on an emotional topic for him. Worth the read.

7. I installed a Stat Counter for the site
You can see it on the bottom of the screen. This thing is mad cool. It tells me that some guy in Ukraine got to the blog by looking for Lampchop pictures on Google Image. Guy from Ukraine, you were looking for the other kind of lamb chop, weren't you? (My God, that looks delicious.) It also tells me that I got my first real link on another blog. Mad props to Blair at Certain Songs for adding me to his A List. It is also somewhat humbling. If you are bothering to read any of this, then you are probably one of the few, as most of the people seem to have stumbled on this blog quite unexpectedly and decide right away that they're in the wrong place. This blog is basically for myself. Yes, I try to make it somewhat entertaining, but I haven't told any of my friends/family about the blog and don't plan to advertise it all that much. It's here. If you like it then I'm glad. I don't know where I'm going with this. That is all.

Mo' Music

2009-01-19T21:30:00.006-05:00

Art Brut: "Moving to L.A.", "Fight" (Bang Bang Rock & Roll)
No other rock band in the last five years has attacked their music with such humor and passion. "Moving to L.A." is the sunny side of Art Brut, a cheerful sing-a-long about moving to LA from dreary England to drink Hennessy with Morrissey. "Fight" is the tongue-in-cheek drunken, hooligan side, about getting drink and picking fights for the fun of it. They're coming out with a new album in 2009, Art Brut vs. Satan, which I will be sure to pick up.

Talking Heads: "Happy Day" (Talking Heads: 77)
This is one of the first albums that I loved. I used to listen to it on vinyl when I was six or seven years old and, much to my mother's horror, scream out the lyrics to "Psycho Kiler." This is a sweet song by the New York art punks.

Desmond Dekker: "Live and Learn" (Anthology 1963-1999)
Desmond Dekker was the first reggae crossover sensation, before Bob Marley ever came on the scene. He was especially influential in England, where bands like The Clash took notice of him.

Dirty on Purpose: "No Radio" (Hallelujah Sirens)
Sadly this band has broken up after recording only this one album, which I strongly recommend.

Black Sheep: "Similak Child" (A Wolf in Sheep's Clothing)
Black Sheep have been overlooked when discussing great early-90s rap groups. This album should be ranked as high as anything by A Tribe Called Quest and De La Soul. According to Urban Dictionary, a "similak child" is "A girl that was raised on artificial breast milk and thus received optimum nutrients and a bad ass booty. "

Elliott Smith: "Waltz #2" (XO)
One of the greatest geniuses of pop music. There is nothing more heartbreaking than an Elliott Smith song.

Billy Bragg & Wilco: "Hesitating Beauty" (Mermaid Avenue)
This is a great album of unrecorded Woody Guthrie covers. Recommended for fans of Wilco, Guthrie, or good music.

PJ Harvey: "This Is Love" (Stories from the City, Stories from the Sea)
"I can't believe life's so complex
When I just wanna' sit here and watch you undress"
Makes sense.

Mass Hysteria: "Donnez-vous la peine" (Le bien-être et la paix)
I picked this up in Paris. This is from commenter Elvis on the French amazon.com:

Quel claque ! Ce disque est un des meilleurs du genre. Les compos et les textes s'adressent vraiment aux jeunes comme moi. Enfin un groupe qui me ressemble.

Euromotion: "Don't Tell Me Your Name" (Euromotion Is Coming)
I heard this song randomly; my friend's girlfriend left a mix in his car that included this. Fucking hilarious song. "The time window Otto! Hurry!"

Sway: "Up Your Speed" (This Is My Demo)
This guy has a ridiculous flow. Great British rap anthem.

My Morning Jacket: "I'm Amazed" (Evil Urges)

I'm amazed at how damn good MMJ is. I don't care what anyone says. I like their new stuff.

Cubs Trade Pie

2009-01-18T22:53:00.002-05:00

Pie was always a promising player for the Cubs. He had power, speed, athleticism. He was the best centerfielder the Cubs had in ages. Last year he was finally given a shot in the big leagues and, any way you look at it, he didn't produce. Maybe he needed more playing time. Maybe he just needed a few more years in the minors. Pie is still only 23. But the Cubs gave up on him and have sent him to the O's, where such Cubs rejects as Sammy Sosa and Corey Patterson have turned up. Pie was different from those two malcontents. He loves baseball which was evident on one of the few occasions when he did something right and smiled real big. The good news here is that, perhaps, this trade has something to do with acquiring Peavy. Apparently, the pitcher we got from the O's, Garrett Olson, had been agressively purusued by the Padres. I'm sure the Padres would want more than just Olson, but if there is any conceivable way to get Peavy, the Cubs have to do it. A rotation of Peavy, Harden, Zambrano, Dempster and Lilly is nearly making me jizz in my pants right now.

Another List of Songs w/ 2 downloads (Hometown Edition)

2009-01-18T18:29:00.005-05:00

Lykke Li: "I'm Good, I'm Gone" (Youth Novels)
Lykke Li hails from the town of Ystad in southern Sweden, home of the Franciscan convent Gråbrödraklostret. Ystad is also the home to two professional handball teams.

Black Kids: "I'm Not Going to Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance with You (The Twelves Remix)" (Wizard of Ahhhs EP)
The Black Kids were formed in Jacksonville, Florida. And, shit, Jacksonville is the largest city in Florida? How did that happen? Jacksonville is also the third largest city on the east coast after New York and Philly. I am officially dumbfounded. What is Jacksonville's draw exactly? Well it is home to the Jacksonville Jam. Named after Space Jam? Jacksonville is near the Georgia border and votes overwhelming Republican. So don't blame the Jewish old ladies. Blame the 800,000 dumbasses from Jacksonville. Jacksonville is the headquarters of southern supermarket Winn-Dixie, which I know of because of that book Because of Winn-Dixie with the cute dog.

Cut Copy: "Feel the Love" (In Ghost Colours)
Cut Copy come from Melbourne, Australia, ancestral home to the Wurundjeri and Bunurong aborigines. Melbourne was discovered by John Batman. John Batman! Melbourne had a population of 177 less than 250 years ago. Now it is home to nearly 4 Million.

Franco & le Tpok Jazz: "Bolingo ya bougie" (Francophonic, Vol. 1: 1973-1980)
Franco grew up in Kinshasa (then Leopodville) in the Democratic Republic of Congo. The two main spoken languages of Kinshasa are French and Lingala. Kinshasa was the site of the Rumble in the Jungle between Ali and Foreman. The name was changed to Kinshasa by Zaire's (then the name for the country) president Mobutu Sese Seko, who used to dress like this. The coldest month in Konshasa is July when temperatures range between 64 and 81. It is also the home of Dikembe Mutumbo, world famous finger-wagger.

White Lies: "E.S.T." (To Lose My Life)
White Lies were formed in Ealing, a suburb of London. Ealing is a pretty boring place except for the fact that it is home to the famous Ealing film studios where The Ladykillers, Kind Hearts and Coronets and Monty Python were filmed, making Ealing the birthplace of British comedy and for that I thank you, otherwise boring British suburb. Quite a few great musicians come from Ealing, including Pete Townshend, Dusty Springfield, and Mitch Mitchell (of the Jimi Hendrix Experience).

Sparklehorse: "King of Nails" (It's a Wonderful Life)
Sparklehorse were formed in Richmond, Virginia. Richmond is where that little "Give me liberty or the death" speech was made.

The Pixies: "Head On" (Trompe le Monde)
The Pixies come from Bahh-ston, Mass, home of a certain Tea Party that made our British colonizers all grumpy. What, the crumpets weren't to your liking Lord Frankfort? What douches. Then there was the Boston Massacre, a slight exaggeration since only 3 people were killed. I mean that doesn't really put it in the running with the Rwandan or Armenian massacres. For shame, Boston.

Frantic Clam: "We Own the Night" (Anatomica)
Frantic Clam are big in the Austin, Texas indie scene. Austin is the bastion of liberalism and general weirdness inside of the Big Bad Amerrican Republic of Texas. Willie Nelson and Matthew McConaughey were born in Austin. That should give you a good idea of what Austin is like.

Belle & Sebastian: "The Boy with the Arab Strap" (The Boy with the Arab Strap)
B&S are from Glasgow, Scotland. The Glasgow dialect is known as Glasgow Patter. In the UK, a headbutt is known as a Glasgow kiss, but in Glasgow a headbutt is actually called a stookie.

Evidence ft. Phonte, Blu and Will.i.am: "For Whom the Bell Tolls" (The Layover)
Evidence is from Venice Beach, LA. Venice was home to Jim Morrison, Wavy Gravy and the original Gold's Gym. So Venice is famous for 'roids and hippies, hopefully not hippies on steroids. The Dude lives in Venice in the Big Lebowski, inspiration for this blog.

M. Ward: "Rave On" (Hold Time)
M. Ward is also a Californian, hailing from Newbury Park, an affluent LA suburb. Newbury Park was a "planned community," created by the Janss Corporation. Its median home value is 730,000. Fuck you Newbury and your planned, gated communtiy.

Emiliana Torrini: "Jungle Drum" (Me and Armini)
Emiliana is from Kópavogur, Iceland's second largest city with a population of 30,000. The literal translation of Kópavagur is Seal Pup Bay. How adorable.

The Knife: "One Hit" (Silent Shout)
The Knife are based in Stockholm, Sweden. In the Stockholm Massacre of 1520 King Christian II of Denmark invaded Sweden and killed 80-90 Swedish notables. This led to general animosity between the two Nordic nations. But they found it too cold to do much other than stare gloomily at eachother.

Bob Dylan: "Visions of Johanna" (Blonde on Blonde)
Dylan was born in Duluth, Minnesota. Duluth is home to the largest Finnish population outside of Finland.

Hüsker Dü: "One Step at a Time" (Zen Arcade)
Hüsker Dü are also from Minnesota, in the Minneapolis-St. Paul area. The rivalry between the two "twin cities" was so intense that for the 1890 census, representatives of both cities kidnapped census takers to prevent one city from outranking the other and in the 1960s, the cities could not agree on a shared time zone so Minneapolis was briefly one hour ahead of St. Paul.

Hot Hot Heat: "In Cairo" (Make up the Breakdown)
Hot Hot Heat are from Victoria, British Columbia, Canada. Victoria hosted the 2005 World Curling Championship, which has also been held in Duluth and Glasgow. Good music and curling go together apparently. Victoria is also known for its large population of retirees and the homeless.

Talking Heads: "Love/Building on Fire" (MCMLXXXIII)
Talking Heads come from New York City, which I've heard has a fair share of attractions. Did you know the Ramapough Mountain Indians live near New York City in northern New Jersey and southern New York. It was long debated whether they are actually Native Americans, runaway slaves, or simply uneducated hillbillys. It appears that they are actually Indians, however.

Animal Collective: "For Reverend Green" (Strawberry Jam)
Animal Collective are from Baltimore, Maryland AKA Bodymore, Murdaland. Truly, Baltimore has a horrible crime rate, the second highest of all US cities, although it has progressed since 1993 when there were 353 reported homicides, a fairly ridiculous number. I am currently obsessed with The Wire, which details just how fucked up Baltimore is. The fact that The Wire is Obama's favorite TV show and his favorite character is Omar gives me some hope for the next four years.

Fleet Foxes: "Mykonos" (2008-11-21 Den Haag, The Netherlands)
Fleet Foxes come from Seattle, a city that is currently experiencing the worst sports year ever. The Super Sonics left for Oklahoma City and became the Thunder. I think. The Mariners and Seahawks both had dreadful years, managing to fall well bellow any reasonable expectations. On the plus side, there is the Seattle Hempfest to look forward to.

Shit I've Been Jamming to Lately

2009-01-14T22:13:00.002-05:00

Madvillain: "Strange Ways" (Madvillainy)
I'm a huge fan of MF Doom and just about anything he's done. This is probably my favorite of his projects, which are numerous (KMD, Viktor Vaughn, King Geedorah, Danger Doom, Metal Fingers...). This is an almost scary song, but the tension is relieved by an interlude from a 1950s cartoon called Symphony in Slang (thanks Wikipedia).

Stiff Little Fingers: "Rough Trade" (Inflammable Material)
A very righteous, angry song from everyone's favorite north Irish punk group.

PJ Harvey: "C'mon Billy" (To Bring You My Love)
Does anyone really blame Billy? PJ Harvey is terrifying.

Yoko Kanno & the Seatbelts: "Rush" (Cowboy Bebop Soundtrack)
This is from the anime Cowboy Bebop. Great cheesy Japanese jazz.

Beulah: "Silver Lining" (The Coast Is Never Clear)
"Punk rock was my first girl/She left me a scar so I have her still." Awesome. Beulah was the perfect indie group.

A Tribe Called Quest: "What?" (The Low End Theory)
Everything good about hip hop is in this song.

Incubus: "Deep Inside" (S.C.I.E.N.C.E.)
Incubus has this stigma around them about being one of the nu-metal groups. But actually their early stuff was quite strange and good and not at all nu-metal. This is a jazz-y song with an interlude of pure headbanging about finding oneself deep in the ghetto.

Ghostface Killah: "9 Milli Bros." (Fishscale)
This one actually samples an MF Doom track, "Fenugreek." Ghostface calls this the "official Wu Tang headbanger." This song is worthy of that title.

The Thermals: "Back to the Sea" (The Body, The Blood, The Machine)
"Not me. I'm gonna crawl. I'm gonna crawl. I'm gonna crawl. Back to the sea." I'm going to un-evolve. I like that idea. It would solve some of our problems.

Sea & Cake: "Jacking the Ball" (Sea and Cake)
A little indie ditty. Lovely tune.

Playlist of the Fortnight: It's Going to Be a Good Year

2009-01-11T22:16:00.005-05:00

Nas: "Get Down (Quantic Soul Orchestra Mix)"
The original here is off of God's Son. A fairly unheralded Nas single, still better than just about anything else out there. Quantic Soul Orchestra add the funk.

Jay-Z ft. Nas: "Success" (American Gangster Bonus Tracks)
This track alone is worth paying for the expanded album.

Charles Wright & the Watts 103rd St. Rhythm Band: "Express Yourself (Alt. Take)" (Puckey Puckey: Jams and Outtakes, 1970-1971)
This is a raw version of the classic. Pure passion.

Wild Billy Childish and the Musicians of the British Empire: "He's Making a Tape" (Thatcher's Children)
A great little rock & roll ditty. Made by the man with that mustache.

Bob and Earl: "Harlem Shuffle"
The original, later covered by Booker T. & The MG's, as well as the Rolling Stones. You also might recognize the beginning from "Jump Around." This is how music should sound.

Wu Tang Clan w/ Isaac Hayes: "I Can't Go to Sleep" (The W)
Proving that Isaac Hayes should definitively be forgiven for all Scientology-related transgressions. He just has an out-of-this-world voice. Check out the video, courtesy of my favorite new procrastination tool, MTV's video database.

Wu-Tang Clan |MTV Music

Muja Messiah ft. I-Self Devine: "Patriot Act" (Thee Adventures of a B-Boy D-Boy)
Found this on one of my favorite blogs, Minneapolis Fucking Rocks, in their section on the best Minneapolis music in the last year. Who knew there was such good hip-hop in Minnesota? Hell, I didn't know there were any black people up there. Anyway, nice job Minneapolis.

The Strange Boys- "Drugs Iggy Drugs"
I can tell you very little about this group except that they're from Austin, Texas and that the song is amazingly as good as its title.

Belle & Sebastian: "Pocketbook Angel"
Basically the best pop song ever. Hopefully someday they'll release a non-scratchy version of this. Although, the imperfection does add some charm to it.

Of Montreal: "St. Exquisite's Confessions" (Skeletal Lamping)
Of Montreal are gleefully strange and I like that. "I'm so sick of sucking the dick of this cruel cruel city..."

Santogold: "Shove It" (Santogold)
"We think you're a joke/Shove your hope where it don't shine" Is Santogold telling Obama to shove it? Either way this is a killer pop song.

Apples in Stereo: "Same Old Drag" (New Magnetic Wonder Bonus Tracks)
Another song from an album that I bought in its original form (minus the bonus). This is the best song on the album. Why do you torture me like this Apples in Stereo?

Soko: "I'll Kill Her" (Not Sokute)
Sorry Soko, but you're fucking adorable. And how could anyone break this poor French girl's heart. That's like killing a puppy dog. This song reminds me of Be Your Own Pet's "Becky" (in my Best of '08 list. The only difference is that "Becky" makes me genuinely frightened, whereas "I'll Kill Her" just makes me want to comfort Soko, pauvre chèrie.

Lil Wayne ft. Pharrell: "Yes"
We're only two weeks into 2009 and already we have a killer (and I mean killer) anthem. Go find this song right now if you haven't heard it already. This makes me want to go out in my car with the stereo at full blast and my windows down. And I know its 20 degrees out.

Incredible Bongo Band: "Apache" (Bongo Rock)
The so-called National Anthem of Hip Hop, sampled by everyone from DJ Kool Herc to the Sugarhill Gang to the Roots and Nas. It's a goddamn great song on its own too.

Notorious B.I.G. (Ratatat Remix): "Party and Bullshit" (Remixes Vol. II)
It's taken me a while to get into Ratatat, but I have to admit, this is a genius remix.

The Kooks: "All That She Wants" (Radio 1 Established 1967)
This is a cover of the Ace of Base song, yeah the Swedish technopop group. But the Kooks manage to make it totally badass.

The Virgins: "Love Is Colder Than Death" (The Virgins)
If I was going to revise my '08 list, this one would make it. A truly classic-sounding pop song.

The Walkmen: "In the New Year" (You & Me)
With more music like this, yes it will be a good year!

Dennis Rodman Plays Basketball with Midgets

2009-01-09T17:52:00.002-05:00

Comedy Ensues?

Courtesy of Videogum

Links of the Day

2009-01-06T22:41:00.004-05:00

Pantsless Skiing: Not as Fun as It Sounds
Roland Burris's Death Chamber: Yes, Illinois Politics Is Even More Fucked Up Than You Thought
Lil Wayne and Skip Bayless...on TV together...Talking about College Football...What the Fuck?
Versus, your source for Bull Riding, Cycling and... the last one's not important, Presents: Show Us Your V, a Glorious Ad Campaign

Milton Bradley to the Cubs: Good Move?

2009-01-05T17:12:00.007-05:00

After another humiliating collapse in the playoffs, getting swept in the first round after achieving the best record in the NL during the regular season, the Cubs were dead to me. Well, maybe not, but at least I haven't been following their offseason moves quite as fervently as I usually do. Well, they've finally sucked me in with this Bradley deal.

The Cubs have undergone quite a makeover this offseason. Let's review:
Gone: Kerry Wood, Mark DeRosa, Hank White, Jason Marquis
The New Guys: Kevin Gregg, Aaron Miles, Paul Bako, Milton Bradley

Well Jason Marquis AKA "The Big Creplach" deserved the boot, but Hank White was a fan favorite and surprisingly good backup catcher, and Wood and DeRo were basically the heart and soul of last year's team; Wood was the same old Kid K, who obviously loved being a Cub and was a pretty scary closer (and for once, it was scary for the other team), and DeRosa played a bajillion positions really well and was a great guy all around.

Bako has returned. I remember him well and not fondly.
Miles, who is in effect, replacing DeRosa, had a fairly respectable OPS+ of 99 last year, but has averaged only 83 over the last 3 years. Compare that to DeRosa, whose OPS+ has been over 100 each of the last three years and this is looking like a pretty poor exchange. Miles is only a year younger than DeRo so he probably isn't going to be improving much and he really only plays second base and shortstop whereas DeRo had extensive experience at second, third, right field, left field and shortstop. Miles, if anything, is a slightly worse defender too. So that kind of sucked.
The Gregg for Wood tradeoff is pretty shitty as well. Gregg is also only a year younger than Wood and had worse stats in ERA, WHIP, and SVs last season. Sounds like the same old Cubs that I've loved usually for worse my whole life.
Now there's Bradley who the Cubs just signed to the tune of 3 years and 30 mil. Bradley is awesome when he's healthy. He had an OPS+ of 163 last year which is pretty ridiculous. The only problem is, he's barely ever healthy. Last year was only the third time in his nine seasons in the big leagues that he's played in 100 games. He also has a notorious anger problem. Examples of this include tearing his ACL, which effectively ended the Dodgers '07 season, while arguing balls and strikes with the first base umpire, and, last year, trying to confront Royals announcer Ryan Lefebvre. Seriously? The Kansas City Royals announcer? Why, man? Anyway, this could turn out to be quite a shitty move for the Cubs, whose luck hasn't exactly been stellar over the past, oh, hundred years. Then again, the biggest reason the Cubs got swept in the postseason was that they didn't have a bat that could carry them in the playoffs. Bradley, in case you're wondering, is hitting .310/.383/.667 in 42 postseason at-bats. So, I guess, you never know.

The Neckbeard and Sexy Rexy: The Travails of the Chicago Bears Quarterbacks

2009-01-03T19:46:00.005-05:00

After another ultimately disappointing season for my beloved Bears, I am left with the question, why can we never get a decent quarterback? 2005 was the beginning of the Grossman-Orton era in Chicago. This has been a period filled with alternately mediocre, inadequate, and bizarre play from the quarterback position. Both Grossman and Orton have possibly had their on-field play negatively affected by Chicago nightlife. Grossman famously said that he had been too distracted by New Years festivities to focus on the game against Green Bay. That game he only threw for 33 yards with 3 interceptions, including 2 TAINTs. In other words, it was one of the worst conceivable games a quarterback could ever play. Meanwhile, the second hit when you type Kyle Orton into Google is "kyle orton drunk." There are dozens of photos of an obviously inebriated Orton with women and booze in bars around Chicago.
This year Orton was ranked the 25th best quarterback in the league, which did mark improvement from his first season as Bears starter (2005) when he was ranked 34th. Since 2005, the best performance by a Bears quarterback was Brian Griese as the 23rd best last season. To give an idea of how bad Bears quarterbacks have been, here are a few of the illustrious QBs that have been ranked better than them in the last few years: J.J. Harrington (twice), Brooks Bollinger, Gus Frerotte, Josh McCown, Alex Smith, David Carr (twice), Sage Rosenfels, Damon Huard, Seneca Wallace. The Bears haven't had a top-10 passer in the last decade. How many other teams have done the same? Just two: The Baltimore Ravens and the Cleveland Browns. And only the Browns have a similarly hopeless situation, with the Ravens riding the promising rookie Joe Flacco to the playoffs this year. Any time your team can only be compared to the Browns, you're in trouble.
This is a truly horrible situation which has been left unadressed by the Bears for years. The last time the Bears made a real effort to get a franchise quarterback was when they drafted Grossman in '03. After five more seasons of futility, I'd say it's time to think about starting over. If the Bears can't draft a good quarterback like Atlanta and Baltimore have done recently, they should consider trading for a veteran like (hmm...) Donovan McNabb, who is undoubtedly unhappy about getting benched for half a game earlier this season and (if I were him anyway) is tired of Andy Reid's notorious inability to manage the clock. C'mon Bears management, now is the time to get our first decent quarterback since...Sid Luckman!

Manhattan Murder Mystery

2009-01-02T00:24:00.003-05:00

Happy '09! I was actually watching this when the year changed and I'm not at all sad that I missed seeing the ball drop. It's a somewhat neglected but highly recommended Woody Allen film. This was one of his many homages to New York, as well as to Hitchcock movies. And if you're thinking Woody Allen can't do Hitchcock, he actually pulls it off surprisingly well. It helps that he has a great cast. Angelica Huston is perfect for her role as a writer with sex appeal who teaches Allen how to play poker and is constantly chain smoking. Jerry Adler is really quite good as the stamp-collecting neighbor who turns out to be a devious murderer. Adler is a true "that guy" actor, who always does well in bit roles. He played Hersh Rabkin (Tony's Jewish adviser) on the Sopranos. Zach Braff actually made his debut in Manhattan Murder Mystery as Allen and Diane Keaton's son. If you're a fan of Allen movies then I recommend this one. It holds its own as both a Allen film with his brilliant-as-usual dialogue and as a mystery. The movie opens with a fantastic song, "I Happen to Like New York" by Cole Porter, as performed by Bobby Short.
Grade: B+

21 Best Songs of 2008

2008-12-30T23:31:00.005-05:00

With 2008 coming to a close, I thought I'd start my blog with a year-ending list.
In no particular order, these are my 21 favorite songs of the year:

Beck: "Profanity Prayers" (Modern Guilt)
Spooky song. Beck is constantly re-inventing himself and I respect him for that. He's made at least three or four great albums (Odelay, Midnite Vultures, Sea Change...) and they're all completely different styles. Produced by Danger Mouse who can do no wrong as far as I'm concerned.

Dead Kids: "Arm" (Into the Fire)
I like this group. British, kinda trippy and all-around funny. The perfect two and half minute druggy new wave-y pop experiment.

Erykah Badu: "The Healer" (New Amerykah, Pt. 1 (4th World War)
Erykah Badu is one of those truly weird pop stars like Björk or Andre 3000 and I love it. Hip hop is bigger than religion...and the government? Agreed.

Estelle ft. Kanye West: "American Boy" (Shine)
Thankfully Kanye put down the vocodor on this one. Probably the best straight-up pop song of the year.

Fleet Foxes: "White Winter Hymnal" (Fleet Foxes)
Just a beautiful song. Fleet Foxes got a lot of hype this year and rightfully so at least for this song. Also they do not want to be called hippies even though they really look like hippies.

Jon Brion: "Little Person" (Synecdoche New York Original Soundtrack)
Loved this movie. I'll probably put a review up soon but basically it makes every other Charlie Kaufman movie look like big-budget Hollywood in comparison. Another really beautiful song.

The Knux: "Cappuccino" (Remind Me in 3 Days...)
Don't know much about The Knux, except that "I need a fresh cappuccino with a mocha twist" is probably the best chorus of the year.

M.I.A. & A.R. Rahman: "O Saya" (Slumdog Millionare Original Soundtrack)
Another song from a movie I loved. Slumdog Millionare is my favorite movie of the year and this song really works perfectly for it. M.I.A. also did a remix of "Paper Planes" for the film which was toop notch.

Lil Wayne: "Let the Beat Build" (Tha Carter III)
Best album of the year à mon avis. This one has a dope beat thanks to Mr. West.

MGMT: "Time to Pretend" (Oracular Spectacular)
I feel like MGMT is the soundtrack to 2008, just like The Strokes were the soundtrack to 2001. If you want to have a weird experience, check out the video for this song. These guys come from Wesleyan which makes sense, lots of very creative (read: out there) people at that university.

My Morning Jacket: "Smokin from Shootin" (Evil Urges)
Love love love My Morning Jacket. I just saw them at the Chicago Theater which was one of the best concerts I've seen. The best part of the show was the bear they have on stage in a dress.

Nas: "Black President" (Nigger Album)
I also got to see Nas this summer at Toad's Place with Talib Kweli. The crowd was nearly rioting before they got onstage because they were about four hours late. Great show though. This is my favorite song about Obama. Gotta love the Tupac sample.

TV on the Radio: "Dancing Choose" (Dear Science)
I've always been a big TV on the Radio supporter. This was a huge year for them, got a ton of hype, which they've deserved for years. Also Tunde Adebimpe appeared in Rachel Getting Married. Didn't like the movie so much (little too emo for my taste) but it was nice seeing my man Tunde on the big stage.

The Two Man Gentleman Band: "William Howard Taft" (Heavy Petting)
Not enough songs these days about President Taft who got stuck in his bathtub and had a great mustache.

Vampire Weekend: "Oxford Comma" (Vampire Weekend)
Who gives a fuck about an Oxford comma? Best opening to a song. Ever. Great album overall and it was hard to just pick one song off it.

Dizzee Rascal ft. Calvin Harris & Chrome: "Dance Wiv Me" (Dance Wiv Me Single)
"You got a body to die for. Lemme merk it." Love that line. Love Dizzee Rascal as always.

Pete Rock ft. The LOX: "914" (New York's Finest)
Good good good hip-hop track. This album didn't get much attention, but it's great old school album in a mostly down year for hip-hop.

Lambchop: "Sharing a Gibson with Martin Luther King Jr." (OH (Ohio))
Great song title. Great band title actually. The singer has a very distinctive voice. And look at the album cover!

Quintron: "Model Ex-Citizen" (Too Thirsty 4 Love)
Mr. Quintron, what a character. If you aren't familiar with him, he's a nightclub organist and inventor who owns a private club in New Orleans and is fantastically weird.

Be Your Own Pet: "Becky" (Get Awkward)
So sad this band broke up because they are great, fun, killer rock & roll. "We'll kick your ass. We'll wait with knives after class."

The Kills: "Cheap and Cheerful" (Midnight Boom)
Another fun song to round off the list. This could easily be in about a million movies/commercials. I'm glad it isn't because then I might get tired of it.